News From the Odder Side of Life

(Theme music plays as a logo of a rapidly spinning, but highly inaccurate globe of the earth floats around the screen being chased by PacMan. Camera focuses in on a middle aged man wearing a badly tailored pin striped suit and a Hedgehog on his balding scalp.)

“Hello everyone and welcome to Worst News Tonight. I'm your host, Ked Topple. Our special guest tonight is Reboobican Senator Fred Fused who is here to promote his new book (Holds up a spiral notebook with the figure of a demon drawn very badly in crayon.) The Liberal Brainwashing of America: How Agents of Satan have tried to push the Liberal Agenda for 50+ Years. Good Evening Senator and welcome to our show.”

(Camera swings around and focuses on a disheveled young man who is practically vibrating in his chair while sipping on his 18^th Vente Double Espresso. Dark circles under his eyes are baggy enough to hold enough clothes for a 2 week vacation.) “Thank you Ked and thank you for having me on the show. Sorry I was a little late showing up but I just came from my 15^th filibuster of the month where I sang opera for 39 hours to block the passage of the Snail Relocation Bill which would have allowed the Damnocrats to illegally ship Leftist Leaning Snails into Right Leaning States to influence policies there.”

(Topple nods, nearly dislodging the hedgehog.) “Sounds like very important work indeed, Senator so thank you for taking the time to be with us. (Holds up the book again.) So what can you tell us about your new book which I understand has already received 5 downloads from Amazon.com since it went on sale last week.”

(Fused drains the rest of his espresso and places a drinking hat on his head with 18 oz energy drinks in it.) “The Liberal Left has been working at an insane pace over the past 50 years to promote their distorted and one could even say Hellish ideas onto an unsuspecting public and they have done so in a way that everyone in the world has failed to notice except for me. By releasing seemingly innocuous television series, they use subliminal mind control to get people to support them. When this is added to the mind control agent, Fluoride in our water supplies, it has effectively rendered the entire country vulnerable to their evil plans.”

(Topple looks concerned and carefully adjusts the hedgehog so that its butt is pointed away from his nose.) “Can you give us some examples of this brainwashing technique?”

“Certainly, Broadcast history is filled with examples if one looks hard enough with open eyes. Shows that seem so innocent are revealed to be truly insidious when studied honestly.” (Fused reaches behind him and pulls over an iv bag filled with 10 Year Energy(tm) and jams the needle in to his arm.)

One of my best examples is the so-called classic TV series, Bonanza. On the surface it is just a show about life and adventure in the Old West, but look deeper. Three Men and their Chinese Man Servant living in the Deep Woods in a perfectly decorated and accessorized house without any women living there. They wore a lot of leather and played with ropes all the time. This was obviously an attempt to indoctrinate people into the Homosexual Leather/BDSM lifestyles and I won't even begin to go into all the saddles and bridles laying around. I seriously doubt they were for the horses.”

“Another good example of the Homosexual Agenda being pushed by Liberals was the aptly named series called the Odd Couple. I mean, really? Two men living together in a small apartment who constantly argued about cleaning and cooking?”

(Topple feeds the hedgehog a treat and then looks off screen.) Well Senator we are running out of time. Can you list one more example of the Liberal Attack. Perhaps one that doesn't include reference to Gay Men?”

“Certainly, believe it or not the Liberal Gay Mind Control movement isn't even the most insidious aspect of their plot. The real danger is the brainwashing that reinforces the Liberals hatred of the Rich and their need to create a total Nanny State. The comedy show Different Folks was a perfect example of this. A Rich and Powerful white man is ashamed of his wealth and status so he adopts the Poor and Destitute children of his Black Housekeeper and brings them into his home. Now this is obviously an attempt to control people into thinking that Rich is bad and Poor is good and that the Rich should take care of the poor.”

(Topple grunts as the hedgehog starts gnawing on his scalp.) Well, thank you very much, Senator and we appreciate you coming on the show. Join us next week when our guest will be Barely Heed of the Damnocrat Party who will tell us all about the new DC Reality TV Show, Bribing with the Hill. Till then, I am Ked Topple and Good Night.”

End of Rant