Okay for those who
don't know me, let me tell you a little something about myself. When
I was much younger, I was not exactly the most honest person in the
entire world. I tended towards a life of “redistribution of wealth
and resources” meaning that I tended to take things that tweren't
mine. I am not particularly proud of this period in my life and I do
not justify it by any stretch of the imagination. However, I mention
it to let the readers know that I am more than intimately familiar
with most forms of acquiring ill gotten booty (Or even Ill Booten
Gotty for that matter). If there is a Con known to man, I have
either pulled it or studied it.
So, this afternoon
when I was out jogging, I was presented with one of the truly classic
cons by a pair of extremely inexperienced shysters. It was a variant
on the classic “Double bag” or “Brown Bag” con. No for those
that are uneducated in the art of the Conman, a “Double/Brown Bag”
con consists of two or three con artists, a victim and one or two
brown paper bags filled with some form of loot of questionable
origins. The first artist (Known as the foil) approaches the target
(Known as a Schill or Mark) clutching a paper bag and acting excited.
(Note: Usually this occurs inside in a public place)
Conversation
follows:
Foil: Wow man, I
just found a bag full of (Insert questionable item here: Usually
coins, watches, jewelry or checks)! It's incredible, the must be
(Insert ridiculously large amount of money) worth in here. (Foil
will then proceed to show the Mark a quick glance inside to indeed
confirm that said objects are in there.) I sure wish I knew how to
get rid of all of this without getting in trouble.
Before the Schill
can even respond, another person will run up. Usually known as the
Push, he will add to the excitement. (Note: Sometimes depending on
the team there may well be more than one Push.)
Push: Man I saw you
find that bag full of (Insert questionable item here)! You are one
lucky son of a gun!
Now that the Push
and the Foil have gotten the Mark's attention, they will continue as
if he isn't standing there.
Foil: Yeah I've got
all of this stuff, but I don't know what to do with it. I could make
lots of money but I don't want to get in trouble.
Push: Hey I know a
guy! He could sell the stuff for us and make us lots of money! But
he's gonna need some cash up front. Probably about a (Insert amount
here, usually equally divisible between F, P, and M.) I've got (1/3)
on me how about you?
Foil: Wow man, I
only got (1/3) too. (At this point the Foil will turn to the Mark
and say) Hey man, you got (1/3) on you? If you chip in we can split
the profits between the three of us?
Of course, at this
point if the con is done properly then the Mark is chomping at the
bit to get in on the deal. He will happily chip in his 1/3. Once
the Push has gotten the money, he will race off to make the deal
happen and the Foil will take the Mark's number promising to call him
when he gets the money. (Note: The reason this is sometimes called
the Double Bag Con is because oftentimes, the Foil will leave the bag
full of stuff with the Mark as a sign of good faith. Of course
either the Foil or the Push has switched the bag of “valuables”
for an identical bag full of junk.) Of course, the Foil and Push
split the money and the Mark never sees either of them again.
Now the reason for
this rather long winded discourse is what I mentioned in the
beginning. During my jog two kids (young adults? As I get older it
gets harder and harder to tell) tried to do this very con to me.
This time is was a bag of “checks” that the Foil had “found”
and I actually managed to keep from laughing all the way up till the
Push comes running up. That is when I lost it and blurted out “Wait,
don't tell me that people are actually still doing the classic Double
Bag Con?” They denied any wrong doing so I asked to actually get a
GOOD look at the checks in the bag. They refused and panicked. With
me still laughing my ass off, they ran off as fast as their little
legs could carry them.
Now I hear some of
you out there going, “You should have called the cops!” and you
are probably right, but it was too funny. These kids were soooo bad
at what they were doing, I suspect they had visited some of the Con
Websites that exist, found one and thought they'd give it a try. I
think my confrontation probably scared them straight. If it didn't,
I can promise you that they will find some less forgiving soul and
get arrested long before they get even remotely good at what they are
trying.
P.T. Barnum is
reputed to have said, “There is a sucker born every minute.”
There is doubts that he actually ever said that, but he was the
Master of Bunkum. He did things like sell tickets for a nickle to
see the “Great Egress.” People happily bought their tickets not
realizing that an Egress is just a fancy word for Exit. They would
find themselves outside the carnival grounds and have to buy another
ticket to get back in again and don't even get me started on the old
“Man eating chicken” con.
He proved that it is
very easy to con people because the vast majority of people expect
something for nothing or think that they deserve more than other
people. Cons like the Double Bag Con, the Gold Mines in Nevada Cons
and hundreds more all work off the principles of greed. The truism
that “You can't cheat an honest man” still works today. Course,
as I proved today the old saying about “You can't con a Conman”
also still applies. I wonder if they have stopped running yet?
