The Classics are still great!

Okay for those who don't know me, let me tell you a little something about myself. When I was much younger, I was not exactly the most honest person in the entire world. I tended towards a life of “redistribution of wealth and resources” meaning that I tended to take things that tweren't mine. I am not particularly proud of this period in my life and I do not justify it by any stretch of the imagination. However, I mention it to let the readers know that I am more than intimately familiar with most forms of acquiring ill gotten booty (Or even Ill Booten Gotty for that matter). If there is a Con known to man, I have either pulled it or studied it.

So, this afternoon when I was out jogging, I was presented with one of the truly classic cons by a pair of extremely inexperienced shysters. It was a variant on the classic “Double bag” or “Brown Bag” con. No for those that are uneducated in the art of the Conman, a “Double/Brown Bag” con consists of two or three con artists, a victim and one or two brown paper bags filled with some form of loot of questionable origins. The first artist (Known as the foil) approaches the target (Known as a Schill or Mark) clutching a paper bag and acting excited. (Note: Usually this occurs inside in a public place) 

Conversation follows:

Foil: Wow man, I just found a bag full of (Insert questionable item here: Usually coins, watches, jewelry or checks)! It's incredible, the must be (Insert ridiculously large amount of money) worth in here. (Foil will then proceed to show the Mark a quick glance inside to indeed confirm that said objects are in there.) I sure wish I knew how to get rid of all of this without getting in trouble.

Before the Schill can even respond, another person will run up. Usually known as the Push, he will add to the excitement. (Note: Sometimes depending on the team there may well be more than one Push.)

Push: Man I saw you find that bag full of (Insert questionable item here)! You are one lucky son of a gun!

Now that the Push and the Foil have gotten the Mark's attention, they will continue as if he isn't standing there.

Foil: Yeah I've got all of this stuff, but I don't know what to do with it. I could make lots of money but I don't want to get in trouble.

Push: Hey I know a guy! He could sell the stuff for us and make us lots of money! But he's gonna need some cash up front. Probably about a (Insert amount here, usually equally divisible between F, P, and M.) I've got (1/3) on me how about you?

Foil: Wow man, I only got (1/3) too. (At this point the Foil will turn to the Mark and say) Hey man, you got (1/3) on you? If you chip in we can split the profits between the three of us?

Of course, at this point if the con is done properly then the Mark is chomping at the bit to get in on the deal. He will happily chip in his 1/3. Once the Push has gotten the money, he will race off to make the deal happen and the Foil will take the Mark's number promising to call him when he gets the money. (Note: The reason this is sometimes called the Double Bag Con is because oftentimes, the Foil will leave the bag full of stuff with the Mark as a sign of good faith. Of course either the Foil or the Push has switched the bag of “valuables” for an identical bag full of junk.) Of course, the Foil and Push split the money and the Mark never sees either of them again.

Now the reason for this rather long winded discourse is what I mentioned in the beginning. During my jog two kids (young adults? As I get older it gets harder and harder to tell) tried to do this very con to me. This time is was a bag of “checks” that the Foil had “found” and I actually managed to keep from laughing all the way up till the Push comes running up. That is when I lost it and blurted out “Wait, don't tell me that people are actually still doing the classic Double Bag Con?” They denied any wrong doing so I asked to actually get a GOOD look at the checks in the bag. They refused and panicked. With me still laughing my ass off, they ran off as fast as their little legs could carry them.

Now I hear some of you out there going, “You should have called the cops!” and you are probably right, but it was too funny. These kids were soooo bad at what they were doing, I suspect they had visited some of the Con Websites that exist, found one and thought they'd give it a try. I think my confrontation probably scared them straight. If it didn't, I can promise you that they will find some less forgiving soul and get arrested long before they get even remotely good at what they are trying.

P.T. Barnum is reputed to have said, “There is a sucker born every minute.” There is doubts that he actually ever said that, but he was the Master of Bunkum. He did things like sell tickets for a nickle to see the “Great Egress.” People happily bought their tickets not realizing that an Egress is just a fancy word for Exit. They would find themselves outside the carnival grounds and have to buy another ticket to get back in again and don't even get me started on the old “Man eating chicken” con.

He proved that it is very easy to con people because the vast majority of people expect something for nothing or think that they deserve more than other people. Cons like the Double Bag Con, the Gold Mines in Nevada Cons and hundreds more all work off the principles of greed. The truism that “You can't cheat an honest man” still works today. Course, as I proved today the old saying about “You can't con a Conman” also still applies. I wonder if they have stopped running yet?