The State of our Nation or WTF is a Zombie Apocalypse when you need one?

 I love this country. I truly think that America is one of the greatest places in the world to live. I proudly fly the flag (No really I have one out in my front yard) and stand for the anthem when its played. I recognize that there are things that could be better and generally believe deep in my heart that good people are working towards making those things happen. I respect and support all of the brave men and women who have served in our Armed Forces over the years and I support all of the good men and women who serve and protect us in Law Enforcement. In short, I am a Patriot and damned proud of it.

Now having said that rousing bit of cheer, let me plainly state that I have never been more ashamed of our country than I am this election year. A bunch of clowns and idiots on both sides of the coin have taken the dog and pony show that our elections normally are and turned it into a full on 3 Ring Circus. We have two people who shouldn’t have even be able to be elected to Dog Catcher in a 2 dog town running for the highest office in the land and we have literally hordes of seemingly mindless people trying to get them in office. If I had written this election season as a story, no one would have bought it because it was just too unbelievable.

I always hear Conservatives going on and on about how Obama has turned America into a laughing stock (Sure they are long on rhetoric and short on actual facts, but they do go on and on and on and on..) to the other nations of the world. Well IMNSHO (That’s In My Not So Humble Opinion or IMNSHO for those just joining us.), even if O were a combination of Bozo the Clown and Adolph Hitler, he still hasn’t done as much damage in 8 years as our two prize POTUS candidates have done in just a few short months.

Our allies and frenimies all across the world are watching and here is what they see. On one side, you’ve got a Woman who has had some questionable dealings and events in her life (First person that says Benghazi gets a pie in the face) and on the other hand, you have a Reality TV “Star” is currently being investigated for racketeering and rape. You have the one’s husband denouncing their opponent for sexual assault and adultery while he himself isn’t so lily white. You have the other’s wife defending her husband and trying to justify the horrible things he said/maybe did. I could go on, but you get the idea.

This election year has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that our election process is seriously broken. When the two prime candidates spend more time insulting each other then actually talking about the issues and dangers facing our nation, it proves that things are seriously karked up (Yes Kark. Sue me, I’m Mormon and we aren’t supposed to curse. In case you’re wondering, its Kark, Karked, Karking and Skarked or Seriously Karked. Okay language lesson over with, moving on.) I am seriously beginning to think that maybe we need to move back into Great Britain’s basement and not move out on our own again until we have matured a little bit more.

I think that we need to send a message to all of the idiots and nutjobs currently running this nation so that they can grasp that we are sick and tired of all of their crap. I think that on election day (That’s the 9, not the 29^th) we all should write in Ryan Reynolds as our choice for POTUS. No particular reason for him other than the fact I loved him in Deadpool and if we really are going to elect an Actor who is renowned for his foul language and inappropriate sexual adventures, we might as well elect one we all like. Maybe if enough of us show that we are just sick and tired of all the bullcrap going on, people might listen. Even if they don’t, it’ll still be funny.

Let me close this here rant with a simple statement. Yes our system is a bit messed up now (Runner up for the biggest understatement of the year. You don’t want to know what number one was.) and none of choices are ideal (second runner up) but you still need to get out there and vote. Forget about that whole “lesser of two evils” crap. Vote “person least likely to get us blown up in a hail of nuclear fire.” Vote “guy/lady that won’t instantly insult pretty much everyone on the planet and make us a laughing stock for 4 to 8 years.” Heck, vote “okay this has the greatest percentage chance of serious comedy” if that is what it takes to get you off your butt and to the polling station.

Remember Vote Early and Vote Often and Bring your deceased relatives with you, but for Cthulhu's sake, get out there and vote!

And now for something completely different...or A Kinder, Gentler Ass.

 Now normally I use this time to rant and rave about whatever thing vexes me or sometimes just about random thoughts that wander through my headparts. I am seldom nice and rarely polite and usually more than a tad insulting. I have a very large readership spread out over a half dozen or so countries so I am guessing that all of you are okay with that so I won’t be changing the format anytime soon. But occasionally I like to talk about stuff that isn’t so confrontational. Heck I have been known to go on about cute and fuzzy animals. So this little missive is something a little bit different. I hope you enjoy it. If not, go back and read the next to last blog again. It’s pretty good and very snarky. Now, MOVING ON!

#HUMANUP

We recently celebrated National Coming Out Day and it inspired a couple of comment chains on Facebook that definitely made me feel a little bit better about the world. We talked about how hard it is for people to find people and places they can feel safe with/in. We talked about how everyone needs to know that there are people out there who really don’t give a dang about who they choose to love or what they choose to believe.

One of my friends (Brother in every way but blood really) suggested that people who were willing to help and to listen or just to give a safe place to be needed to put where they were and what areas they could help with. I am proud to say that the response was overwhelming. By the time we were done, I think we had a healthy section of the US covered. People offered their help, their love and their homes to anyone who needed them. I actually felt humbled by all of it. (And for those of you who read my stuff, you know that is saying something.)

Says it all.

There is so much hate in the world. White People hate Black People, Christians hate Muslims, Straight People hate Gay People and I hate Clowns (Brrrrrr). There is a wonderful line from a fantastic song called FANCY. “Now in this world there’s a lot of self righteous hypocrites that would call me bad...” The world is filled with cruel people who think that only their way/their beliefs are the right ones and if you don’t fit into their tiny little molds, then you are a bad person. Watch any news show or read any news report and you’ll see it. We don’t need more of that hate and cruelty.

A little good news would be nice.

Another classic song by Anne Murray called “A Little Good New” says it perfectly. With all of the horror and all of the cruelty in the world, couldn’t we all use some good news instead of all this bad? Instead of seeing videos of the Westboro Baptist Church waving signs saying “God Hates...” or videos of some terrorist beating a woman or beheading a man, couldn’t we occasionally see films of all the people doing their best to try and help? Men and Women in war torn countries struggling to help the wounded and feed the hungry? People here in the US housing the homeless and caring for the sick? Besides just showing the ugly, can’t we show some of the beauty too?

In closing, I am going to say what my brother said and so many of the people I proud to call friends said. If you are in trouble, come to me. If you need someone to listen to, come to me. If you are hungry, come to me. I may not know you well and I am certainly not the wisest person alive, but I can listen and by the gods, I can cook. If you need shelter, we will help you. If you need to be clothed, we will help you. There is a lot of bad in the world, but my friends prove time and again that there is also a lot of good.

To steal another great line, “Be the difference.”

#humanup

And now for something completely different or Porkbrains kin haz thoughts?

Porkbrains and Milk Gravy! YUMMY!

     Words from my less famous brother which includes words he stole from me.  Visit his blog, enjoy his quips and wisecracks.  Throw him money, just not rolls of quarters.  Those hurt.

GETTING REALLY ANNOYED or Mansplaining 101

True Locker Room Talk

 Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock...with no WiFi…Smoke signals...two coconuts to bang together has now heard of the Toupee that walks like a man’s comment about grabbing women in places associated with felines without their permission. The Trumpservatives in the Good Old Obnoxious Party (GOOP) have been doing their best to somehow mansplain away the remarks with the usual “He was only joking” and the more recent “Well every guy says things like that when he is alone with other guys.” The idea seems to be that we shouldn’t be mad with the Donald because the things he said are perfectly normal for men and that we should just get over it.

As a man (53 years old now so I am pretty sure that is what I am. Well except on every other Tuesday when I think I am a pickle. Don’t ask, my therapist is working on it.), I can assure everyone that the disgusting things that Cheeto Face said are not the norm. I played football/Baseball/Basketball (Badly) in high school and very rarely did you hear such talk come out of anyone’s mouth. Generally if someone did say something like that, we just looked at him funny and moved on with our lives.

The idea that talking about groping women in their “pussy” is somehow okay to do and the even more absurd idea that it is something that all men do is insulting and the fact that all men aren’t screaming at the top of their lungs for justice is a sign of just how deep the Rape Culture in America and in the whole world runs.

The idea that it is okay to assault women (or men for that matter) with words and actions is entrenched in our culture and our beliefs. Look at any given rape trial. The defense’s arguments invariably devolve down to what the victim did to deserve to be raped. “The way she was dressed..” “She was drinking too much...” “She led the man on...” are pretty much cut and paste for rape trials. The fact that a man can rape an unconscious girl for over 30 minutes and only get a few months jail time proves that Rape Culture is alive and unwell in the USA.

Among some of the things I have seen posted to try to defend our future Oompaloompa In Charge (OIC! Get it!? No? Moving on…) is memes mentioning 50 Shades of Grey. The idea is how can a book that is a story of a Man and Woman practicing BDSM (Not going to spell that one out, there might be children reading this...or at least childlike people reading this.) be so popular with women if they are are offended by Trump talking about grabbing people in the kitty cat. The idea is that if a woman enjoys reading FICTION about two people involved in a CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP then she shouldn’t be upset and insulted by an arrogant man yelling that he could grope the fuzzies of any woman he wanted, whether she was actually willing or not.

Similar memes show images of various stars and famous type people who are kind of well known for their more (ahem) creative expressions such as suggestive lyrics, erotic dance moves and just plain naked pictures and suggests that women cannot be offended by Don Don’s (Watch Cannonball Run to get that joke.) commentary on grabbing felines because they enjoy such stuff.

Now the problem with this kind of “logic” is a pretty simple one. The big difference between Ricky Manage singing, “I need a bigun raht now” and placing her hand twixt her nether regions and Trumplelupagus talking about groping is that 1. It’s Ricky’s body so if she wants to touch it, she is kind of allowed and 2. The song is (ready for this) about CONSENSUAL SEX! That’s right, not about some greasy haired orange dude coming up behind her and grabbing her where the sun don’t shine.

In closing and trying to sum up this somewhat rambling rant let me just state things as clearly as I can. (Which knowing me, might not be that clear but what the heck, lets try!) Real men don’t say the things that Trump said, even in private. Adolescent boys may say something like that to try and prove their manhood and there are indeed Adolescent boys running around in wrinkled old men skins like Trump who do indeed say those things. Any real man who hears this sort of crap should be offended as heck, not try to explain it all away as “Lockeroom talk” or “Well all men say that sort of thing.” Real men should imagine creeps like Trump groping their mothers, daughters and friends and be outraged.

Until men stop defending people like Brock and Trump (and yes, Bill Clinton too), nothing will ever change. Men will keep justifying their violence towards women and the world will keep accepting it. We have to change, but that change has to start with not just letting the crimes pass by.

End of Rant

Footnote: It strikes me as sadly amusing that the same men who go on and on and on about how other cultures condone the rape and abuse of women under a certain religious sect, but are perfectly okay when the same crimes are visited upon the women and girls of their own culture. If you are getting upset about women being raped in other countries, then shouldn’t you get really honked off about your own countrymen doing the same or worse? Just a closing thought.

Your opinion is invalid or REALITY CHECK!

     For those of you who haven't guessed it yet, I am an Author.  I write, people give me money for the crazy things that go on inside my head.  Heck even this blog earns me money from people who read it thanks to the various ads you occasionally see along the sides or the bottom.  I have been writing and getting paid for it since I was 16 years old and sold my first article (Appropriately called “If you don't vote, don't complain”) to the old GRIT newspaper.  (Not going to try explain the GRIT.  If you are curious, research it)
     So having said this, let me put this as plainly as I can.  If an Author writes something, but offers no commentary on it, then you may feel to interpret its meaning anyway you like and even think you are right.  HOWEVER, if the author plainly tells you exactly what his intent was and that intent disagrees with your interpretation, YOU ARE WRONG!  Period, fini, end of discussion.  You don't get to say what his intent “actually was.”
See that is the arrogance of non-creative people.  You all think that your reality is more important than the people who create those worlds and words that you could never hope to create on your own.  You take someone else's work and impose your rules and delusions on it.  You think that you have the right to make the rules and interpretations about other people somehow fit into your own limited world.
     Like I said, if an author/painter/sculptor puts a work out there with no background or explanation of intent, then anyone can be free to interpret its meaning to their hearts content.  Hells, if said creative type person does put out the intent of the work, you are still free to interpret but you are not allowed to say the creative person's intent is wrong.  You aren't allowed to say, “Well I know what she said she meant” but I know what she really meant.
So the next time you want to say, “That ain't what he really meant,” check yourself before you wind up looking totally stupid.  Oh I know you didn't think you looked totally stupid, but I am interpreting what you REALLY meant, and that was that you look completely stupid.

Calling A Spade A Spade or "That's so wacist" the sequel.

     (My wife asked me to tate on something that had been working at her headparts for days and I agreed to do it so that got me to thinking (A dangerous thing, especially when I am unsupervised) about of different things that kind of grew off of what she talked about.  So it actually took me two or three days to cogitate a suitable rant about all of the things she mentioned and all of the things that occurred to me later on.  The following rant is the result of all that thoughtifying.  I hope you enjoy it.  As usual well worded praise or even critique is welcome.  Creative trolling is also enjoyed.  Read on, MacDuff!)
     Let me start this rant with a simple statement.  I am a Racist.  I always tell people that I am prolly the truest Racist they will ever meet.  Why, because I apply the terms racist and racism in the sense they should be used, not the lazy sloppy way people like to use it today.  See, Racism by its very nature means you hate a specific race.  Good example is a Facebook friend of mine, John hates Hobbits.  (Don't ask, I never do.)  He hates a specific race therefore he is a Racist.  There is only one Race of humanity and that’s well, the Human Race.  Everything else, where we are from, what color our skin is and what faiths we might believe in, are all imaginary divisions we created because OH MY GOD MYRTLE!  THOSE FOLKS DON'T LOOK LIKE US!
     Every human being on the planet is pretty much the same critter as every other human on the planet.  We can mate and make babies no matter who we are.  So there is only the Human Race.  When people say they are racist or someone is being racist, they actually mean bigot or bigoted.  Now me, I am a pure Racist.  In the 53 years I have been alive, I have learned one thing (Wow that sounds kind of sad when you put it like that.) and that is that HUMANS SUCK!  That's right, except for a very small minority (Huh pun), Humans are a greedy, selfish and evil lot that are more interested in themselves and how they can make their lives better than actually making a difference.  Now I have been blessed to know and be friends with individuals who ignore that mold, but for the most part, people suck.  Since I despise most of humanity, I can honestly say I am a Racist.
     Okay now that the disclaimer is out of the way, ON WITH THE RANT!
     Now I am going to put this as bluntly as I can.  (Cause we all know how I am usually so shy and polite right?)  If you put up pictures of Barack Obama and his family or any Black People portrayed as Chimpanzees or Apes, You are Racist (Using your usage here not mine.)  If you think that said pictures somehow funny, you are Racist.  Now let me flip that card over.  If you put up pictures of Donald Trump as an Orangutan, you are a Racist.  If you think said pictures of Trump are funny, you are a Racist.  If you put up pictures of an Anus with an orange toupee and call it Trump, you are not Racist, but not very creative.  If you put up pictures of Obama as Black Hitler Devil with big boobs (Don't laugh someone actually wore that costume during Obama's second election), you are being Racist, but you are very confused.
     Some images are historically extremely racist.  The portrayal of Black People as Apes or Chimps predates the Civil War and were used (Are still used) to imply that the Black man was less than the White Man.  There has never been a time where portraying a Black person as a monkey or ape wasn't as insulting and racist as you could possibly get.  Even after the actual images became less common, the portrayal of the Black person would always including exaggerated features that made them look more apelike.
     People who post charming pictures that portray the POTUS and First Lady as Chimps are racists and no one can defend them by saying they aren't.  If you defend them, then you should probably take a very good look at yourself, because odds are pretty good that you are just as racist as they are.
I think that amuses me the most about the Racists who keep posting this crap and the people that support them is that if the situation was reversed (Wait wouldn't that be noitautis eht?) they’d be screaming bloody murder.  Using Trump (Hey he's loud and he's orange so he's a convenient pawn) as my example, if people suddenly started posting pictures of Trump decked out in the robes of a Grand Dragon of the KKK and his followers wearing robes and holding burning crosses, people would be honked as hells.  They'd be screaming DISCRIMINATION at the top of their lungs.  But the analogy would be just as accurate as the Ape one for Obama.
     (Side note here.  I despise Trump and personally think his followers are short a few synapses in the headparts, but I do not associate him or all of them with the KKK.  This is just an example.  Besides, we all know Trump would never wear a hood because 1. It hides his face so people can't see him and B.  It might make the muskrat on top of his head mad.  Like I said this is just an extreme comparison.)
     So if you want to use things like apes to insult Black People, feel free to do so, but keep in mind that no matter how you try to justify it, you are being racist.  If you sit there at your computer screen and guffaw at those images, you are being racist.  I cannot stop you, not would I.  It is a free country and even hate speech is protected under the 1st Amendment.  But don't sit there and pretend that you aren't being racist.  Either change your way of thinking or be okay with idea.
     As a final note, I personally not only find people who use racial stereotypes as insults racist, but also lazy as heck.  It takes no effort or creativity to use the same old tired tropes that have been used for decades.  If you are going to be insulting, at least be creative about it.