Countdown to Trumpageddon Day 2 or Payback is a female type canine.

Yeah, that is pretty much a textbook definition.

Simple Definition of hypocrisy

• : the behavior of people who do things that they tell other people not to do :
•  behavior that does not agree with what someone claims to believe or feel.

  

      All I can say is this.  You've spent the better part of a decade spreading lies, hatred and bigotry against Obama.  You have called him an illegal alien, a Muslim Terrorist, and said he was a Homosexual.  You called his wife a cross dresser.  You posted 1000s of pictures of the two of them and their children as Chimpanzees or Apes.  You called him racist names and called her names like Moo-chelle.  Those of you who didn't participate in this racist BS never spoke out against it and even found it all amusing.  You've been total pratts for 8 years and that was your right.

    However, you don't get to turn around now and say that we should respect Donald Trump because he is the new President Elect.  You say we need to respect his wife even.  You are crying foul because people are pretty much saying the same things you said for 8 years.  If it was okay for you to spew hatred and lies then you don't get to play the righteous card now.  If you wanted people to treat your leaders with respect, then you should have done the same.

     End of Rant

Countdown to Trumpageddon Day One or Is this trip really nessecary?

Countdown Begun, Activate Defcon BunnyFoofoo.

Brains...brains...dear god I am so hungry.

     The next few weeks will be fairly boring.  Sorry about that folks, but the really interesting crap won't start till Trumponce (New word, copyrighted.  If you use it, you owe me a nickel.) takes office.  The handy link at the top of the rant gives you the exact time left.  Please feel free to use it.  I mean, Trumponce being elected is kind of like all of the dolphins leaving in the classic 4th book in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy.  How many times can you say, "Dolphins still gone" or in this case "Toupee that walks like a man elected POTUS?"  So the next few weeks of tating will be mostly about other disasters happening in the world or just random musings from your not so modest scribe,  Just sit back and relax, we'll get to the end of the world soon enough.

     I thought about doing a rant on exactly how we, as an American people, let this disaster happen.  I also considered talking about all of the really bad things that are very likely to happen once Trumponce takes office.  I even considered a piece on the hypocrisy of the Right Wingers mocking all of the people who threatened to leave the US if Trump was elected when entire states tried to secede just because a Black Man dared to be elected POTUS.  However since I am currently on vacation till Sunday, I decided to hold off on the somewhat serious stuff till next Monday.  Till then, it's just going to be random stuff that catches my attention.

A rare candid photo of Trump before his makeup.

     My early observations of the post-election hysteria is one of complete Unsurprise (Yeah I know its not a real word, sue me.) and extreme disappointment mixed with some amusement thrown in just to confuse me.  The Unsurprise comes from all of the vitriol coming from both sides with insults flying left, right, up and down.  Extreme disappointment comes from seeing people that I personally know should be above this kind of crap engaging in name calling and outright lies.  I see people who have gone on and on for years about how bad other people are resorting to the exact same thing now that the foot coverage is placed on the opposite appendage.  The instances of this happening are far to many to list here, so just let me say SHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME! to all of you in the first two categories.

Well, close acquaintances at best.

     Current amusements are not nearly as numerous.  My Facebook page and my Twitter account are filled with comments and insults that are better left in the 60s and all they are doing is proving how right I have been about pointing out how little we have changed in the past 50 years despite what a couple of friends like to think.  

    Among my amusements is two separate friends who are lifelong Conservative Republicans and Mormons who have posted comments before and after the election saying just how bad things will be when Trump is elected.  Folks when its so bad that people who's family has voted Republican since the Mayflower landed don't vote Republican, then its generally a good sign that things are bad,  Amusement the second, is having my Brother announce that he didn't get elected to any office (Note: He didn't run for any to begin with) and having another friend talk about how his dog, Molly didn't get elected too.  I also suffered extreme amusement when I "forced" a friend who had sworn not to make a political comment break her oath not once, but twice.  And just now, I had a FB friend who has seen my tating for years asking me ot be patient.  Anyone who has actually read this blog knows that patience ain't exactly my strong point.

     As the countdown continues, I fully expect to have fuel for more intense and snarky blogs handed to me from both sides.  Till then I hope that these filler pieces will amuse and distract you.  Keep reading for the COUNTDOWN TO TRUMPAGEDDON!  (Insert echo chamber effect here.)

End of Rant

Wait, you mean the word isn't about small fuzzy critters?

We got Trumped or "Its the end of the world as we know it."

And actually I don't feel fine at all.

I'm set, are you?

     So I pondered long and hard about exactly what this first blog would be about after Donald Trump became the President Elect for the United States of America.  I thought about some clever, snarky and extremely insulting bit with silly snips aimed at his Toupee or some wise sounding quips aimed at all of the stupid things he has said and done for the past year.  I even thought about a truly insulting rant about the lack of intelligence or common sense of the people who voted him into office.  I also pondered just putting a giant clipart image of a turd here to show exactly what I think of the whole thing.  I finally decided on the following.  I hope you enjoy it.

     

No matter how painful it may be.

     Anyone who follows me here or on Facebook and Twitter (All five of you) knows how I felt about Trump's campaign and his future presidency.  They also have a good idea about how I actually feel about the people who supported him and got him elected.  They know I'd rather have Satan Himself running the country than Trump.  (As an aside, my feelings toward Clinton were only slightly better.  If she had been running against Old Scratch, I might have been torn over my vote.)  As time moves forward, I fully expect to run hundreds of blogs about how Humping Ponce.(Not going to explain Ponce, look it up.  The effort will do you good.) is ruining the nation (BTW I hope I am wrong and they actually do a great job.  I really do.), but this blog isn't about that.

     All morning I have seen Facebook and Twitter filled with hatred and rage.  I see Trump supporters mocking Clinton supporters and I see Clinton supporters mocking Trump supporters.  I see Clinton supporters saying they will refuse to acknowledge Trump as POTUS and do everything they can to undermine his presidency.  I also see Trump supporters talking about how all the people who supported Clinton need to be shot, arrested and all sorts of evil wishes.  All I can say is, GROW UP!

     Right or wrong, good or bad and all those other sayings, the election is now over and the American People have made their decision.  I despise Trump and seriously question the intelligence of many of the people who support him, but he won.  Barring an actual Zombie Apocalypse, he will be President for the next 4 years (3 years...2 years...ever how long he is in charge till he is arrested for something.) and railing against it will solve nothing.  Screaming and ranting about how unfair things are only makes you and the country look really bad.  

     I understand the fears of all my Black/Hispanic/Women/LGBT friends with a fully Conservative Government now in control.  (Ponce is so completely anti-science that he might as well be a member of the Spanish Inquistion which of course no one would ever expect.)  I understand that they are terrified that all of the progress seen in the past 8 years will be destroyed and those fears are well founded.  However, good or bad, we live in a country where no one side can ever fully control how things go.  Democracy is about as messy and sometimes unfair to some groups as you can get.  We accept these things and we move on.  We try to learn from our mistakes and make better decisions the next time.

     I personally have enough faith in America to believe that no matter who is in charge or no matter which party is in control that we have enough checks and balances in place to keep the nation from being destroyed.  Even if Trump and the Conservatives are as a big a disaster as I believe they will be, the nation will survive the next 4 years and hopefully will learn from this horrible mistake.  I am also Tater enough to admit if if I turn out to be wrong.  If Trump and his ilk actually wind up doing a great job to make the nation better for everyone, I will happily (okay, somewhat grumpily) admit it.

     I've seen both sides saying the usual "We must set aside our differences and animosity and move forward for the best of the nation" and they are right.  The election is over, one side won and one side lost.  Nothing is going to change that.  Now we have to move forward and try to work together no matter how we feel.  Okay, honest addendum to that statement.  You all have to move forward.  Me, I'm all set for years of prewritten blogs.  Just saying.

End of Rant

I WIN, YOU LOSE or WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

     So in a little bit over a day or two, this election year insanity will finally end and whole new insanity (Hopefully more amusing) will ensue.  We will finally know who will "lead" this country for the next fourish type years.  Clinton or Trump, Trump or Clinton?  Which will it be?  Roll up!  Roll up! Place bets and pick your racer!  Do you bet on the toupee that walks like a man or the loud mouthed living pantsuit?
     I've seen a lot of tating on what will happen if either one is elected.  Common Taters from both sides of the aisle have gone on and on and on and on (well you get the idea) about the miracles or disasters that will occur if THE OTHER ONE is elected or if THE RIGHT ONE is elected.  I really believe that more has been written about this election cycle than any other since Domino's had people voting for the next specialty pizza back in the day.  If most of it wasn't digital, it'd prolly fill several landfills.
     Now I have seen all of the gloom and doom predictions by various "experts" and I suppose that no matter which candidate wins, there will be a lot of losers.  However, I am sure you all are relieved to know that, no matter who wins, at least one person will be facing a Win/Win/Win/Win situation.  That person, of course, is me.
     Now "Ass old boy, how in Dog's name can you possibly be a winner no matter who is elected?  Being rabidly anti-Trump and not too fond of Republicans in general, won't you suffer greatly under the Bipedal Cheeto's reign?"  These are great questions, I am impressed by your savvy nature.  I will now try my darndest to try to explain my oh so bright future.
     See the way I see it, there are a number of possible combinations coming out of tomorrow's attempt at democracy.  1.  (and the one I view as most likely) Hillary will win the POTUS race and Deomocrats will seize control of both House and Senate.  2.  Hillary will win POTUS but the Republicans will retain control.  3.  Trump will win POTUS and Democrats will seize control of the other places and of course 4.  Trump wins and Republicans will keep control.  4 possibilities and I personally win in all 4.
     See, as an Uncommon Tater (as opposed to the Common Taters you see in most places.  Confused?  Sound it out.  lol) my bread and butter is Politics and World News.  The weirder and wilder it gets, the easier my job is.  So no matter how you slice that bread, the next four years is pure Tating Gold.  I mean the blogs will practically write themselves.  Now one might argue this is a serious case of fiddling while Rome burned, but hey I don't live in Georgia any more so I'm in no danger.  (GET IT!?  Rome...Italy...Rome...Georgia?  See its funny because....anyway moving on.)  Lettuce look at all four of those scenarios to better grasp my glee.
    Scene One:  Clinton wins and Democrats assume the majority.  Of the four scenes, this one has the least potential for Tating.  I'll be pretty much stuck with four years of cracking on whichever states scream that they are going to secede from the Union and rag on all the people screaming that the elections were rigged and the Democrats stole the victory from Trump and the Republicans.  Mildly amusing, but really way to much work for a lazy guy like me.
     Scene Two:  This one has a little bit more potential.  If Clinton wins the POTUS seat and the Republicans their control, we will have four years of "Our number one job is to make Clinton a one term president" and Republicans blocking anything she might do, including appointing a new SCOTUS judge.  This, of course, will lead to lots and lots of Executive Actions which will lead to a whole bunch of "Empress Clinton" screams.  So we have a bit more potential for comedy.
     Scene Three:  Pretty much the same as Scene Two, just with a different side doing the screaming.  So about the same level of potential comedy.
     Scene the Fourth:  Now this one has the most potential for pure comedy gold.  You've got the Toupee that walks like a man as POTUS and a whole bunch of people who don't really like him running the rest the show.  So, there are a few different possibilities with this one.  Republicans will be forced to make an impossible decision.  They will be forced to choose between supporting a man that almost none of them like and support because...well he is a Republican and POTUS no matter how bad or insane his decisions are or use their power to make sure that he doesn't completely wreck the nation.  Either way it is a lose/lose situation because if they support him, they run the risk of not being reelected because all the Repulicans who hate Trump (and there are lot of them) get honked off and vote for someone else.  If they don't support him and work to limit the damage he does, then they run the risk of not being reelected because the people that do support Trump are honked off.  Add to that four years of Democrats screaming in terror and I can just sit back and watch the blogs write themselves.
     Sure the rest of you can fret over "If X gets elected, the Zombie Alpacalypse will destroy this nation and We'll all be forced to by government funded Undead Insurance whether we want to or not."  Some might say "IF Y is elected, then equal rights for RHLHCFs (That's Redheaded, Left Handed, Cubs Fans btw) will be set back 60 years" and yes, yes these are all perfectly valid concerns.  However since I already have Undead Insurance through MetUnlife and I am a BHRHDF (figure it out for yourselves, I can't teach you everything) I am not too concerned.
     So like I said, no matter how this disaster plays out, I win.  Four years of pure comedy gold served up to me on a lead platter.  (Lead because I am going to need it for shielding for my fallout shelter after the nuclear war.)  The rest of you might have problems, but I am good to go.  So let the cow chips fall where they may and BRING ON THE ELECTION!

End of Rant

     Last minute addendum:  If Jill Stein or anyone else manages to win, I will probably just take the next four years off cause...I got nuthin.

The State of our Nation or WTF is a Zombie Apocalypse when you need one?

 I love this country. I truly think that America is one of the greatest places in the world to live. I proudly fly the flag (No really I have one out in my front yard) and stand for the anthem when its played. I recognize that there are things that could be better and generally believe deep in my heart that good people are working towards making those things happen. I respect and support all of the brave men and women who have served in our Armed Forces over the years and I support all of the good men and women who serve and protect us in Law Enforcement. In short, I am a Patriot and damned proud of it.

Now having said that rousing bit of cheer, let me plainly state that I have never been more ashamed of our country than I am this election year. A bunch of clowns and idiots on both sides of the coin have taken the dog and pony show that our elections normally are and turned it into a full on 3 Ring Circus. We have two people who shouldn’t have even be able to be elected to Dog Catcher in a 2 dog town running for the highest office in the land and we have literally hordes of seemingly mindless people trying to get them in office. If I had written this election season as a story, no one would have bought it because it was just too unbelievable.

I always hear Conservatives going on and on about how Obama has turned America into a laughing stock (Sure they are long on rhetoric and short on actual facts, but they do go on and on and on and on..) to the other nations of the world. Well IMNSHO (That’s In My Not So Humble Opinion or IMNSHO for those just joining us.), even if O were a combination of Bozo the Clown and Adolph Hitler, he still hasn’t done as much damage in 8 years as our two prize POTUS candidates have done in just a few short months.

Our allies and frenimies all across the world are watching and here is what they see. On one side, you’ve got a Woman who has had some questionable dealings and events in her life (First person that says Benghazi gets a pie in the face) and on the other hand, you have a Reality TV “Star” is currently being investigated for racketeering and rape. You have the one’s husband denouncing their opponent for sexual assault and adultery while he himself isn’t so lily white. You have the other’s wife defending her husband and trying to justify the horrible things he said/maybe did. I could go on, but you get the idea.

This election year has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that our election process is seriously broken. When the two prime candidates spend more time insulting each other then actually talking about the issues and dangers facing our nation, it proves that things are seriously karked up (Yes Kark. Sue me, I’m Mormon and we aren’t supposed to curse. In case you’re wondering, its Kark, Karked, Karking and Skarked or Seriously Karked. Okay language lesson over with, moving on.) I am seriously beginning to think that maybe we need to move back into Great Britain’s basement and not move out on our own again until we have matured a little bit more.

I think that we need to send a message to all of the idiots and nutjobs currently running this nation so that they can grasp that we are sick and tired of all of their crap. I think that on election day (That’s the 9, not the 29^th) we all should write in Ryan Reynolds as our choice for POTUS. No particular reason for him other than the fact I loved him in Deadpool and if we really are going to elect an Actor who is renowned for his foul language and inappropriate sexual adventures, we might as well elect one we all like. Maybe if enough of us show that we are just sick and tired of all the bullcrap going on, people might listen. Even if they don’t, it’ll still be funny.

Let me close this here rant with a simple statement. Yes our system is a bit messed up now (Runner up for the biggest understatement of the year. You don’t want to know what number one was.) and none of choices are ideal (second runner up) but you still need to get out there and vote. Forget about that whole “lesser of two evils” crap. Vote “person least likely to get us blown up in a hail of nuclear fire.” Vote “guy/lady that won’t instantly insult pretty much everyone on the planet and make us a laughing stock for 4 to 8 years.” Heck, vote “okay this has the greatest percentage chance of serious comedy” if that is what it takes to get you off your butt and to the polling station.

Remember Vote Early and Vote Often and Bring your deceased relatives with you, but for Cthulhu's sake, get out there and vote!

And now for something completely different...or A Kinder, Gentler Ass.

 Now normally I use this time to rant and rave about whatever thing vexes me or sometimes just about random thoughts that wander through my headparts. I am seldom nice and rarely polite and usually more than a tad insulting. I have a very large readership spread out over a half dozen or so countries so I am guessing that all of you are okay with that so I won’t be changing the format anytime soon. But occasionally I like to talk about stuff that isn’t so confrontational. Heck I have been known to go on about cute and fuzzy animals. So this little missive is something a little bit different. I hope you enjoy it. If not, go back and read the next to last blog again. It’s pretty good and very snarky. Now, MOVING ON!

#HUMANUP

We recently celebrated National Coming Out Day and it inspired a couple of comment chains on Facebook that definitely made me feel a little bit better about the world. We talked about how hard it is for people to find people and places they can feel safe with/in. We talked about how everyone needs to know that there are people out there who really don’t give a dang about who they choose to love or what they choose to believe.

One of my friends (Brother in every way but blood really) suggested that people who were willing to help and to listen or just to give a safe place to be needed to put where they were and what areas they could help with. I am proud to say that the response was overwhelming. By the time we were done, I think we had a healthy section of the US covered. People offered their help, their love and their homes to anyone who needed them. I actually felt humbled by all of it. (And for those of you who read my stuff, you know that is saying something.)

Says it all.

There is so much hate in the world. White People hate Black People, Christians hate Muslims, Straight People hate Gay People and I hate Clowns (Brrrrrr). There is a wonderful line from a fantastic song called FANCY. “Now in this world there’s a lot of self righteous hypocrites that would call me bad...” The world is filled with cruel people who think that only their way/their beliefs are the right ones and if you don’t fit into their tiny little molds, then you are a bad person. Watch any news show or read any news report and you’ll see it. We don’t need more of that hate and cruelty.

A little good news would be nice.

Another classic song by Anne Murray called “A Little Good New” says it perfectly. With all of the horror and all of the cruelty in the world, couldn’t we all use some good news instead of all this bad? Instead of seeing videos of the Westboro Baptist Church waving signs saying “God Hates...” or videos of some terrorist beating a woman or beheading a man, couldn’t we occasionally see films of all the people doing their best to try and help? Men and Women in war torn countries struggling to help the wounded and feed the hungry? People here in the US housing the homeless and caring for the sick? Besides just showing the ugly, can’t we show some of the beauty too?

In closing, I am going to say what my brother said and so many of the people I proud to call friends said. If you are in trouble, come to me. If you need someone to listen to, come to me. If you are hungry, come to me. I may not know you well and I am certainly not the wisest person alive, but I can listen and by the gods, I can cook. If you need shelter, we will help you. If you need to be clothed, we will help you. There is a lot of bad in the world, but my friends prove time and again that there is also a lot of good.

To steal another great line, “Be the difference.”

#humanup

And now for something completely different or Porkbrains kin haz thoughts?

Porkbrains and Milk Gravy! YUMMY!

     Words from my less famous brother which includes words he stole from me.  Visit his blog, enjoy his quips and wisecracks.  Throw him money, just not rolls of quarters.  Those hurt.

GETTING REALLY ANNOYED or Mansplaining 101

True Locker Room Talk

 Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock...with no WiFi…Smoke signals...two coconuts to bang together has now heard of the Toupee that walks like a man’s comment about grabbing women in places associated with felines without their permission. The Trumpservatives in the Good Old Obnoxious Party (GOOP) have been doing their best to somehow mansplain away the remarks with the usual “He was only joking” and the more recent “Well every guy says things like that when he is alone with other guys.” The idea seems to be that we shouldn’t be mad with the Donald because the things he said are perfectly normal for men and that we should just get over it.

As a man (53 years old now so I am pretty sure that is what I am. Well except on every other Tuesday when I think I am a pickle. Don’t ask, my therapist is working on it.), I can assure everyone that the disgusting things that Cheeto Face said are not the norm. I played football/Baseball/Basketball (Badly) in high school and very rarely did you hear such talk come out of anyone’s mouth. Generally if someone did say something like that, we just looked at him funny and moved on with our lives.

The idea that talking about groping women in their “pussy” is somehow okay to do and the even more absurd idea that it is something that all men do is insulting and the fact that all men aren’t screaming at the top of their lungs for justice is a sign of just how deep the Rape Culture in America and in the whole world runs.

The idea that it is okay to assault women (or men for that matter) with words and actions is entrenched in our culture and our beliefs. Look at any given rape trial. The defense’s arguments invariably devolve down to what the victim did to deserve to be raped. “The way she was dressed..” “She was drinking too much...” “She led the man on...” are pretty much cut and paste for rape trials. The fact that a man can rape an unconscious girl for over 30 minutes and only get a few months jail time proves that Rape Culture is alive and unwell in the USA.

Among some of the things I have seen posted to try to defend our future Oompaloompa In Charge (OIC! Get it!? No? Moving on…) is memes mentioning 50 Shades of Grey. The idea is how can a book that is a story of a Man and Woman practicing BDSM (Not going to spell that one out, there might be children reading this...or at least childlike people reading this.) be so popular with women if they are are offended by Trump talking about grabbing people in the kitty cat. The idea is that if a woman enjoys reading FICTION about two people involved in a CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP then she shouldn’t be upset and insulted by an arrogant man yelling that he could grope the fuzzies of any woman he wanted, whether she was actually willing or not.

Similar memes show images of various stars and famous type people who are kind of well known for their more (ahem) creative expressions such as suggestive lyrics, erotic dance moves and just plain naked pictures and suggests that women cannot be offended by Don Don’s (Watch Cannonball Run to get that joke.) commentary on grabbing felines because they enjoy such stuff.

Now the problem with this kind of “logic” is a pretty simple one. The big difference between Ricky Manage singing, “I need a bigun raht now” and placing her hand twixt her nether regions and Trumplelupagus talking about groping is that 1. It’s Ricky’s body so if she wants to touch it, she is kind of allowed and 2. The song is (ready for this) about CONSENSUAL SEX! That’s right, not about some greasy haired orange dude coming up behind her and grabbing her where the sun don’t shine.

In closing and trying to sum up this somewhat rambling rant let me just state things as clearly as I can. (Which knowing me, might not be that clear but what the heck, lets try!) Real men don’t say the things that Trump said, even in private. Adolescent boys may say something like that to try and prove their manhood and there are indeed Adolescent boys running around in wrinkled old men skins like Trump who do indeed say those things. Any real man who hears this sort of crap should be offended as heck, not try to explain it all away as “Lockeroom talk” or “Well all men say that sort of thing.” Real men should imagine creeps like Trump groping their mothers, daughters and friends and be outraged.

Until men stop defending people like Brock and Trump (and yes, Bill Clinton too), nothing will ever change. Men will keep justifying their violence towards women and the world will keep accepting it. We have to change, but that change has to start with not just letting the crimes pass by.

End of Rant

Footnote: It strikes me as sadly amusing that the same men who go on and on and on about how other cultures condone the rape and abuse of women under a certain religious sect, but are perfectly okay when the same crimes are visited upon the women and girls of their own culture. If you are getting upset about women being raped in other countries, then shouldn’t you get really honked off about your own countrymen doing the same or worse? Just a closing thought.

Your opinion is invalid or REALITY CHECK!

     For those of you who haven't guessed it yet, I am an Author.  I write, people give me money for the crazy things that go on inside my head.  Heck even this blog earns me money from people who read it thanks to the various ads you occasionally see along the sides or the bottom.  I have been writing and getting paid for it since I was 16 years old and sold my first article (Appropriately called “If you don't vote, don't complain”) to the old GRIT newspaper.  (Not going to try explain the GRIT.  If you are curious, research it)
     So having said this, let me put this as plainly as I can.  If an Author writes something, but offers no commentary on it, then you may feel to interpret its meaning anyway you like and even think you are right.  HOWEVER, if the author plainly tells you exactly what his intent was and that intent disagrees with your interpretation, YOU ARE WRONG!  Period, fini, end of discussion.  You don't get to say what his intent “actually was.”
See that is the arrogance of non-creative people.  You all think that your reality is more important than the people who create those worlds and words that you could never hope to create on your own.  You take someone else's work and impose your rules and delusions on it.  You think that you have the right to make the rules and interpretations about other people somehow fit into your own limited world.
     Like I said, if an author/painter/sculptor puts a work out there with no background or explanation of intent, then anyone can be free to interpret its meaning to their hearts content.  Hells, if said creative type person does put out the intent of the work, you are still free to interpret but you are not allowed to say the creative person's intent is wrong.  You aren't allowed to say, “Well I know what she said she meant” but I know what she really meant.
So the next time you want to say, “That ain't what he really meant,” check yourself before you wind up looking totally stupid.  Oh I know you didn't think you looked totally stupid, but I am interpreting what you REALLY meant, and that was that you look completely stupid.

Calling A Spade A Spade or "That's so wacist" the sequel.

     (My wife asked me to tate on something that had been working at her headparts for days and I agreed to do it so that got me to thinking (A dangerous thing, especially when I am unsupervised) about of different things that kind of grew off of what she talked about.  So it actually took me two or three days to cogitate a suitable rant about all of the things she mentioned and all of the things that occurred to me later on.  The following rant is the result of all that thoughtifying.  I hope you enjoy it.  As usual well worded praise or even critique is welcome.  Creative trolling is also enjoyed.  Read on, MacDuff!)
     Let me start this rant with a simple statement.  I am a Racist.  I always tell people that I am prolly the truest Racist they will ever meet.  Why, because I apply the terms racist and racism in the sense they should be used, not the lazy sloppy way people like to use it today.  See, Racism by its very nature means you hate a specific race.  Good example is a Facebook friend of mine, John hates Hobbits.  (Don't ask, I never do.)  He hates a specific race therefore he is a Racist.  There is only one Race of humanity and that’s well, the Human Race.  Everything else, where we are from, what color our skin is and what faiths we might believe in, are all imaginary divisions we created because OH MY GOD MYRTLE!  THOSE FOLKS DON'T LOOK LIKE US!
     Every human being on the planet is pretty much the same critter as every other human on the planet.  We can mate and make babies no matter who we are.  So there is only the Human Race.  When people say they are racist or someone is being racist, they actually mean bigot or bigoted.  Now me, I am a pure Racist.  In the 53 years I have been alive, I have learned one thing (Wow that sounds kind of sad when you put it like that.) and that is that HUMANS SUCK!  That's right, except for a very small minority (Huh pun), Humans are a greedy, selfish and evil lot that are more interested in themselves and how they can make their lives better than actually making a difference.  Now I have been blessed to know and be friends with individuals who ignore that mold, but for the most part, people suck.  Since I despise most of humanity, I can honestly say I am a Racist.
     Okay now that the disclaimer is out of the way, ON WITH THE RANT!
     Now I am going to put this as bluntly as I can.  (Cause we all know how I am usually so shy and polite right?)  If you put up pictures of Barack Obama and his family or any Black People portrayed as Chimpanzees or Apes, You are Racist (Using your usage here not mine.)  If you think that said pictures somehow funny, you are Racist.  Now let me flip that card over.  If you put up pictures of Donald Trump as an Orangutan, you are a Racist.  If you think said pictures of Trump are funny, you are a Racist.  If you put up pictures of an Anus with an orange toupee and call it Trump, you are not Racist, but not very creative.  If you put up pictures of Obama as Black Hitler Devil with big boobs (Don't laugh someone actually wore that costume during Obama's second election), you are being Racist, but you are very confused.
     Some images are historically extremely racist.  The portrayal of Black People as Apes or Chimps predates the Civil War and were used (Are still used) to imply that the Black man was less than the White Man.  There has never been a time where portraying a Black person as a monkey or ape wasn't as insulting and racist as you could possibly get.  Even after the actual images became less common, the portrayal of the Black person would always including exaggerated features that made them look more apelike.
     People who post charming pictures that portray the POTUS and First Lady as Chimps are racists and no one can defend them by saying they aren't.  If you defend them, then you should probably take a very good look at yourself, because odds are pretty good that you are just as racist as they are.
I think that amuses me the most about the Racists who keep posting this crap and the people that support them is that if the situation was reversed (Wait wouldn't that be noitautis eht?) they’d be screaming bloody murder.  Using Trump (Hey he's loud and he's orange so he's a convenient pawn) as my example, if people suddenly started posting pictures of Trump decked out in the robes of a Grand Dragon of the KKK and his followers wearing robes and holding burning crosses, people would be honked as hells.  They'd be screaming DISCRIMINATION at the top of their lungs.  But the analogy would be just as accurate as the Ape one for Obama.
     (Side note here.  I despise Trump and personally think his followers are short a few synapses in the headparts, but I do not associate him or all of them with the KKK.  This is just an example.  Besides, we all know Trump would never wear a hood because 1. It hides his face so people can't see him and B.  It might make the muskrat on top of his head mad.  Like I said this is just an extreme comparison.)
     So if you want to use things like apes to insult Black People, feel free to do so, but keep in mind that no matter how you try to justify it, you are being racist.  If you sit there at your computer screen and guffaw at those images, you are being racist.  I cannot stop you, not would I.  It is a free country and even hate speech is protected under the 1st Amendment.  But don't sit there and pretend that you aren't being racist.  Either change your way of thinking or be okay with idea.
     As a final note, I personally not only find people who use racial stereotypes as insults racist, but also lazy as heck.  It takes no effort or creativity to use the same old tired tropes that have been used for decades.  If you are going to be insulting, at least be creative about it.

You keep using this meme... or Are you all really paying attention?

You might be a Conservative if you actually believe this

So I have been seeing the above link in meme form for a couple of weeks now and the level of stupid it puts forth is downright mind boggling. The proposal is that certain groups are absolutely insane if they actually vote for Clinton. Since the vast majority of the people posting it are rabid Conservatives, the assumption is that the groups mentioned in the memes (Usually Gays, Women, Blacks and Immigrants although it can vary.) should instead vote for members of the GOP, presumably Donald Duck...err Trump and that is where the stupid comes into play.

Let's ignore (Much like the GOP) all of those groups but the first one. GAYS...GAYS...GAYS! (Wow what an echo!) The memes merely suggest that Hilly Clinton would be a horrible choice for Gays, but the video linked above actually gives demonstrations of how horrible Clinton is about Gays. While the videos (Many from years ago) seem damning and ignoring the fact that people can change their opinions about stuff (Well some people can. After all we have had 9 Benghazi Investigations and people are demanding a 10th), I think the people posting it all are missing an important point and its a kind of big thing.

NO MATTER HOW BAD CLINTON MIGHT BE, THE GOP AND CONSERVATIVES ARE A MILLION TIMES WORSE!

Here are the facts. I know it bothers some of you to hear them but get over it. This is my blog after all.

1. The vast majority of GOP Politicians oppose same-sex marriage. Donald Trump, Clinton's counterpart says that if he is elected, he will destroy the SCOTUS ruling that allows Same Sex Marriage. A majority of GOP Politicians want to not only strike down SS Marriage, they want to reinstate the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA for short) which would once again state that the Federal Government's definition of marriage is between one man and one woman. (The knee jerker here is that most of the people demanding this are currently screaming that the Fed has no right to define marriage for the entire country, but that it should be the State's right to decide. Hypocrisy much?)
2. The vast majority of GOP Politicians (At least on the sate level) actively oppose Same Sex Adoption of children. On a national level, several GOP members have tried to pass items that expressly state that children are much better with “Traditional Families” than with Same Sex ones. Local GOP Goons have even gone so far as to compare SS Parents to child molesters and perverts.
3. The GOP crowd also want to reinstate the rules that prevent LGBT individuals from openly serving in the US military. They want Don't Ask Don't Tell reinstated so that LGBT individuals will have to hide who they are and who they love again. The GOP clings to the lie that openly serving LGBT are destructive to the military and dangerous to our preparedness for trouble if it should arise. Never mind that in the time since DADT was removed, all of the things that the GOP has claimed would happen hasn't happened.
   Now I could go on and on about other things mentioned in the video, but I think I covered the truly stupid one. I am not saying that you should vote for Hillary Clinton. Hells, I'm not saying that you shouldn't vote for Donald Trump...Wait! Yes I am! Don't do it! ITS A TRAP! However any member of the LGBT community that truly believes that voting for ANY Conservative Politician is a good idea that will insure that their rights are protected really should get serious mental therapy done. Just sayin...
   End of Rant

"Freedom of Religion" or "You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean"

So I live in a neighborhood that is one of the most culturally diverse ones that I have ever lived in before. Of course given the fact that I am from the Deep, Deep, Deep South, that's prolly not saying much. We got people from England, Russia, all over the Middle East, all parts of Africa and who knows where else living in a fairly close area. It is truly interesting and inspiring.

One of our neighbors is Muslim and performs his daily prayers in the morning and in the afternoon from the deck behind his townhouse. I generally hear him when I go out in the afternoons to go to work and actually enjoy listening to his prayers for a few seconds before I get in my car.

So yesterday as I was leaving for work, he was out giving his prayers and the elderly couple from across the parking lot were standing in front of my house (for some strange reason not in front of their own house) and they were staring in the direction of the gentleman praying. The woman said, “I don't like that. He shouldn't be doing that.” The man replied with a nod, “I am going to complain about it. He doesn't have the right to do that.”

Now folks, keep in mind what this old White dude just said. “He doesn't have the right to do that.” That statement should scare the living crap out of you. An American (Presumably anyways) stated that another American (confirmed, I have spoken to the gentleman before) stated arrogantly did not have the right to practice his religion. Can you grasp how fundamentally (Pun intended. Get it?) FUGGED up that is?

I see a lot of that these days. People who have the attitude that their faith is the only one covered under the 1^st Amendment. They feel that they have the right to say, “Well I don't like your religion (or lack there of in the case of Atheists) so you don't have the right to practice it.” An even larger group seems to have the attitude of “Well, you can practice your faith, but not where I can see it or hear it.” (Huh Same Sex relationships and Religion...whodathunk it?)

Folks, that ain't the way it works. That's not the way any of this works. “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” (Sorry apparently its a bold/italic kind of day.)

A follower of Islam has the exact same right to worship as a follower of that carpenter guy...Jessie...Josie...err somfin or another. They can stand on their porch belting out prayers to their hearts content and there is nothing you can do about it. If you find the sound annoying, go inside or go for a walk until they are done. I personally find the prayers a lot less annoying then the loud, canned Christian music blaring out from loudspeakers every hour on the hour from churches. When you can hear that crap from 8 blocks away, it is too danged loud. Just saying.

The almost overwhelming attitude among a lot of “Christians” today is that only Christianity is covered under the 1^st Amendment. Well, Christianity and Judaism since they kind of use parts of the same rule book. Atheists are actually banned from holding public office in many Red States and many of our so called leaders push for laws that prevent Muslims from holding any sort of office, including POTUS and SCOTUS. They want Christian Law to be the ONLY law of the land. (Sharia Law West anybody?)

Before the US of A was even...well the the US of A, it was built on the very foundation of Religious Freedom. People came here so that they could live, love and worship however they please without fear of persecution or punishment. When this country was founded, the wise men who forged it saw the evils of a “State Religion” and made sure that no one religion would ever be the only recognized one. At least three of the Founding Fathers weren't even Christian and of the remaining ones, the diversity in Christian Denomination was mind boggling. So the idea that people today want to limit the religious rights of others while forcing their own beliefs onto everyone is about as UnAmerican as Borscht (The mind boggles over the fact I spelled Borscht correctly the first time. Must have been channeling Donald Trump's Same Sex Lover, Putin.)

What it boils down to is something very simple. You don't have to like someone else's faith. You don't have to take their faith seriously. You are even allowed to think that their faith is stupid and even evil. You are not allowed to ban their faith. You are not allowed to stop them from publicly practicing their faith. So the next time you or anyone thinks or says, “They don't have the right,” I have one bit of advice. Suck it up, Buttercup! (Wow, bold, italics, underlined AND a bigger font.)

End of Rant.

End of Rant.

A shield against the storm

     A wise man once wrote, "no man is an island."   Another wrote something along the lines of "a house built upon the sand."  Both spoke of how we will always be stronger when we have those we can depend on and always trust to "have our 6."  It doesn't matter how strong a person is or how independent he thinks he is, he is always stronger when he has family backing him up.
     I have been blessed with a handful of friends that are as close to me as family.  People who I know quite literally call at 3am in the morning and say, "I need help" and that is all it would take for them to be on the road to aid me.  If you have never known that incredible gift, I feel sorry for you.
     Recently, my family suffered a terrible loss.  The sudden shock was a brutal blow to us.  I reached out to one of those "family by choice not by blood" just for a sympathetic early.  This Brother not only gave me that ear, be offered so much more.  I told him how we might not be able to afford something very important and this Brother that I know can ill afford the extra cash said "we can help with that if you need it."
     That is the rock that my house is built on.  Friends, some I have known forever and a few I have only known as short time, that I know will always be there for me.  That is my greatest gift and my greatest responsibility because I must be the same rock for all of them.

No Rant This Time, Just Gratitude.

SIOTBAA, The Tinfoil Hat Edition or OH NOSE, OBAMA'S COMING TO TAKE MY GUNS

 So the Wife Unit asked that I travel to the fabled land of Starbucks and bring her back an offering of the new Double Double Fudge (So good they named it twice...their bad joke not mine.) Frappuccino. As is my wont, I listened to NPR on the way there and back again and as I returned to the vehicle after successfully capturing the DDFF, this gentleman was speaking. He preached loud and long about the coming New World Order and how Obama and his Muslim masters were hard at work getting America ready for takeover.

He went into great detail about how Obama's minions had been secretly implanting US citizens with computer chips for years to that the Government could use its infernal technology to track our every movement using the GPS signals embedded in the chips. He also pointed out that all of the military “training exercises” seen recently were all part of the top secret plan to install Martial Law and start putting US Citizens into FEMA extermination camps. Folks, in the 10 short minutes I listened to this guy, he hit on pretty much every single conspiracy theory out there and even mentioned a few that I had never heard of. For the sake of brevity and (Truthfully) the lack of any real interest on my part, I will only cover two of the many, many “theories” this gentleman had.

First, the tired old saw about some secret Gubbermint force using teensy little drones to inject undetectable GPS tracking chips into your body so your every action can be tracked. The most obvious problem for this idea is that the technology for this simply doesn't exist. Whereas companies are experimenting with very cool micro drones that mimic animals and insects, they are far from being unnoticeable so if one was buzzing around your body, you'd be going “WTF is that thing?” And although RFID chips do exist (My dog has one for gosh sakes), they don't broadcast secret radio messages over any real distance and certainly cannot be detected from a satellite in orbit. When the Vet checks my dog's chip, they have to use a handheld scanner pressed directly against the pups skin.

The second problem with this idea is “Why would the government bother?” Do you have a cell phone? Tablet? Dashboard GPS? If you answered yes to any of these questions then the government could easily track your every move without the need of implants or micro drones. You are already giving the government everything it needs to follow you from the grocery store to Pappy's Pop A Top Strip Bar and Cathedral. So, you can either panic and smash all of your cool toys or just let this one go. Okay?

Now, moving on to the New World Order and Obama's Secret Muslim Agenda (Hence to be known as NWO and OSMA) and the threat these two forces pose to the world. Since I believe in brevity (Stop laughing. I do believe in being brief. I also believe in fairies and Big Foot.), I will cover the threat posed with just a single word. NONE!

I listen to people talk about the coming NWO and how all of the governments of the world will unite under one charismatic leader and lead the world to its doom in eternal heckfire and I only have one thought. “Have any of you actually taken a look at the world you live in?” I mean seriously, nobody actually likes or trusts anyone. Allies don't like Allies and Enemies certainly don't like enemies so the very idea of all of these fractious groups suddenly uniting under one global banner to lead the way to the Alpacalypse is a little hard to believe.

Part of the NWO's plan (supposedly) is that OSMA will use its military might to conquer the US and put all of its people under the iron thumb of Sharia Law (Which is not the same as Shania Law because one will make you give up bacon and booze and the other will make you listen to Country Music all day while driving trucks...most people will not get that joke. Oh well, moving on.)

Now imagine this if you can without your headparts blowing up. Supposedly a man who is hated by a large number of people while use the military might of the US to conquer the country and install the OSMA. If we are to believe the Right Wingnuts (Keep in mind that I believe in unicorns and gnomes), the vast majority of the US Military Complex truly hates Obama and no American would ever fight for Sharia Law, so I cannot even conceive how a hated POTUS would convince the military to overthrow the US Government AND impose Sharia law. Maybe if they offer free kittens and Ice Cream too?

So I am no great thinker. I generally use my headparts to keep my hat on and not much else. Maybe I missed something? Perhaps you, my dear readers, can explain it all too me. I mean, if the threat is real, I want to be ready to battle the NWO/OSMA (Well unless they have kittens and ice cream, then I am all over that.) when the time comes. So if you can, please tell me the hidden truth behind the seemingly insane rantings. I eagerly await your instructions.

End of Rant

The Oh So Difficult and Rough Life of an Author.

     As I have mentioned before, I have been tossing out wordage since I was 16 years old and sold my first article for the grand sum of $35.00.  (Don't laugh, to a 16 year old in in 1979 in LA (Lower Alabama, 35 bucks waa a boatload of money.  At the time I got $5.00 a week in allowance to put things in perspective.)  I realized that crazy people would pay me me money for the drivel than ran through my head and I never looked back.
     So because of this decade long perspective, I can look at some of the ideas people have about the life of an Author and just shake my head.  (Paues and takes a drink from his ice cold energy drink.)  You seem to think that is is all fun and games with lots of sitting and goofing off or going to conventions to meet other authors and stars while...sitting and goofing off.  (Pauses and watches a bird fly byin the cool evening air.)  Well let me tell you that all of those things are very far from the truth.
    First of all, I have an actual job that is very demanding that takes up a great deal of my time.  I work at a fairly famous pizza place (You prolly remember commercials about avoiding something if you're OLD!) as a Delivery Driver/Assistant Manager.  This highly demanding job requires me to spend 15 to 20 hours a week riding around in my car, drinking and snacking while occassionally walking short distances to give people food.  It is a very difficult job and there are some weeks I am not sure if I can make it through the day.  I usually have to be at this arduous job by about 1730 hours so that means I must wake up no later than 1200 hours to get ready for work.  (And play World of Warcraft and watch Netflix and listen to music while playing WOW or watching Netflix.)
     On those rare days (Generally 3 or four) when I am off work,  I have so much to do around the house and in the garden that I must be out of bed at the crack of Noon to make sure that i have enogh time in the day to get everything done.  Then my day generally consists of eating lunch, preparing dinner and...well playing World of Warcraft and watching Netflix.
     Now after realizing how long and difficult my days are, you can well understand how difficult t is to find time to actually get any writing done.  I have to struggle with my oh so busy day to find the time to sit down in my comfy desk chair or even worse, sit outside in my even more comfy deck chair under the shade of my oversized deck umbrella with nice cool breezes blowing around me while sipping ice cold energy drinks.  It is a wonder I ever get anything done.  Still, I soldier on and manage.
     So the next time you are sitting at your desk after getting up at 0400 to get to work so that you can be badgered by people you don't even like about things you really don't care about, think of me and feel better about your lives.  Think of me struggling to stay awake in the warm Spring air and realize things cold get much worse.  (Finishes energy drink and ponders getting out of chair to get another, but decides the kitchen is much too far.)  PITY ME!

End of Rant

Put on your big bigot pants or STFU! or Play that bigotry card proudly!

Herein lies the hypocrisy of the "Birth Gender" bathroom bigots.

"BR I care not if it's bigotry or if anyone agrees or not.I damn sure am not ever going along with men sharing the bathroom with my girls. I don't give a damn about how he identify or whatever he calls himself. If he looks feminine enough to fool me that's fine.But if he doesn't fool me ,he will see how we feel about this."

Now lets break down this little gem into easily digestible parts. “I don't care if it's bigotry or if anyone else agrees or not.” Kudos on that one, I can't find any fault with that statement. Grats on that one.

“I damn sure am not ever going along with men sharing the same bathroom as my girls.” Again, not much problem with this one either. Straight males commit 1000s of rapes, assaults and molestations every year, so I'd be kind of nervous if a Straight Male walked into my little girl's locker room too. (Yeah I know what he actually meant, but I'm being nice.) So kudos on that one too.

Now comes the hypocritical part of this brave little missive. “I don't give a damn about how he identify or whatever he calls himself. If he looks feminine enough to fool me that's fine.But if he doesn't fool me ,he will see how we feel about this.” Can anyone else raise their hands and tell me exactly why that is so danged hypocritical? Anyone? Okay, I'll explain.

Herein lies the stupid, folks. The gifted soul that posted the comment says that if a Trans who was born Male and looks Male shouldn't be allowed to use the same potty as his daughter, but a trans Male who looks feminine is okay because he can't tell the difference. In short, the feminine Trans passes his approval. The stupid lies in the fact that NOTHING HAS CHANGED! The Feminine Trans is still as male by this person's standards as the other one and, using his “logic” is just as much a threat as the manly one. The only thing that changed is one meets with his approval and the other one doesn't.

That is exactly what all of these “Religious Freedom Acts” and “Birth Gender Bathroom” laws boil down to, approval. Conservative Christians don't approve of Same Sex Marriage, so they pass laws that try to limit or even do away with it. When they can't do that, they pass laws that allow businesses to discriminate against them. They try to prevent Same Sex couples from adopting. Simply because they don't approve of them.

Same with these bathroom laws being passed left and right by Conservative Republicans. They don't approve of even the very concept of Transgender individuals. They don't approve of who they are or their ideas which fly in the face of centuries of “Now that is just the way things are!” So they pass laws which directly target Trans individuals and try to pass it off as “common sense” laws to protect everyone. If you were working on common sense laws to protect everyone, you'd pass laws banning Conservative Republicans from using restrooms given the fact the the ex-speaker of the house is a serial molester of little boys and Conservative poster boy Duggar raped his little sisters. Funny how no one on the Conservative side is suggesting we ban Conservative men from restrooms to protect our children.

It comes down to this. If people are going to do harm and break the laws, they are going to do it no matter what. New laws to make it illegal won't stop them. Conservatives always cry out loudly anytime new and stricter gun control laws are suggested and do you know what they scream? “GUN LAWS WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING BECAUSE CRIMINALS DON'T OBEY THE LAW!” Funny how those same people are now screaming, “WE NEED NEW LAWS BECAUSE CRIMINALS AREN'T OBEYING THE OLD ONES!” when it comes to bathrooms. Like I said at the beginning, this is the height of hypocrisy.

End of Rant

THE GREAT 2016 POTTY BREAK! or Hey you made the laws, so deal with it.

Okay so here's my idea. Get ready because it is a DOOZY! With all of these oh so bigoted states passing oh so bigoted laws targeting Transgender people and all of the uproar being generated by even more bigots about how they need to keep their loved ones save so people should only use the bathroom associated with their birth sex, I have been giving it a lot of thought and I seriously don't think these people understand exactly what they are asking for. So I think we need to show them exactly what sort of magical paradise they will be living in if Trans are forced to use the bathrooms of their birth gender.

So here is my idea. All of the Transgender individuals out there, all of you need to make road trips down to all of the States where Birth Bathroom laws have been passed, and do exactly what the law says you have to do. Yup, that's right. All of the Trans Males need to go use the lady type bathrooms and all of the Trans Females need to go use the guy type bathrooms.

Wazzat you say? How will that cause an uproar? Well, it is simple. Imagine you are a Middle Aged Christian Lady delicately powdering your nose and in walks a tall, muscular man with a nice stache and five oclock shadow. He smiles at you and proceeds to stand next to you and wash his hands. You, of course, will scream in terror and race out of the room trying to find a cop. Problem is, that guy is actually biologically a women and by the laws of your state, He is doing exactly what he is supposed to do.

So, come on America (and any one from any of the 8 or 9 nations that read this blog)! Plan your next road trip around visiting all of the states passing these bigoted laws and visit bathrooms in every single one of them. Put on your prettiest sundress and pay a visit to the guy room. Pull on your tightest muscle shirt to show off your hairy chest and visit the girl room. Just make to keep your ID and birth certificates ready when all of the shouting starts. When they start yelling at you, just say, “Hey this is what you asked for.”

COME ON PEOPLE, ITS POTTY OR BUST!

(As an end note here, let me say with all joking aside, be careful. There are hateful people out there who think they have the right to beat up and even kill LGBT members just because they don't approve of them. As this hysteria is turned up higher and higher, I fear that we will be seeing a lot more cases of Transgender assault and murder. So fight this crap with all of your power and stand up for your rights. Just keep yourselves safe as you can while you do it. We need heroes, not martyrs.)

End of Rant

We aren't Perverts, we work for the government or Mommy that man is staring at me,

OK Becky, before you go potty lift your skirt and assume the position.

Line up and drop yer drawers!

 So let's get one thing straight, people who are screaming about “Trans Perverts in the restrooms” are suggesting that anyone who wants to use a restroom must be inspected to ensure that their potty parts match the gender they claim to be. They want to make sure the parts match the sign on the door. Several states have passed laws that basically require that someone in a position of power inspect and certify that people are going poop in a biologically appropriate bathroom.

Now, before the snark and insults begin, let me state that I am 67% sure that the vast majority of these “inspection” ideas do truly mean checking out the person's ID to make sure that even though the person claims to be Janet, she is actually physically a James. This in no way defends these moronic laws, but I am just trying to say that maybe not all of the people designing these laws are a bunch of sick, perverted individuals with an obsession for excretion and urination. Anywho, moving on.

Gender Police

So, since one state has actually offered a sizable reward for anybody who catches a Transgender individual violating the sanctity of their potties (Yes that is right, the state is offering a reward for anyone who spies on another person in the bathroom. Nah that's not perverted at all.), lets just focus on the idea that people want to be able to physically verify whether or not a person is an Innie or an Outtie. (Think about it, you'll get it in a second then catch up with the rest of us.) They want the right to check your kids undies to make sure they aren't Trans.

Now focus on that for a second. The proponents of these bigoted laws scream to the high heavens that they are doing everything in their power to protect their children and wives from perverts and rapists. They weep openly that their precious little lambs might see a guy's junk while they are going potty and be scarred for life. They claim they want to keep that sort of trauma from harming their children. So if this is true (It ain't but work with me on this one), WTH (That's Why The Heck BTW, I'm not allowed to curse anymore. Sigh, there goes 20% of my vocabulary.) are these same people okay with total strangers checking to see what is inside of their kids panties?

Let me toss this scenario out for you. Your little girl is on a field trip to the Creation Museum to watch the video about how the dinosaurs missed the boat when the unicorns kept them up late the night before. She suddenly wishes that she hadn't drank three 20 oz sodas on the way there and desperately needs to go the potty. One of the teachers escorts her to the restroom, but before she can go inside a uniformed man says, “Wait, you look like a little boy. We are going to have to check to make sure you are actually a girl. Sorry it is the law.” That night, she gets home and tells you how she had to drop her panties in front of this stranger just to prove that she was a girl. How peeved (Sorry no cursing) would you be. If the answer isn't “I'm gonna get a bat and find that man and beat his head in” you are probably a bad parent. Actually forget the probably part of that sentence.

Now I hear what you are screaming and yes, I admit that is a pretty extreme and fairly (at this time) unlikely scenario. However, reality is just as frightening. At least two VERIFIED cases have occurred since Bigots started fanning the Trans/Perverts flames of hate where Cis Gender Women were confronted by people because they were trying to use the potty and someone (Male of course) thought they looked too masculine to be women and forced them to leave. In one case, the woman was literally dragged from the restroom by her shirt and bra straps by a MALE security guard who followed her into the restroom. Yes, you read that right a Male security guard followed a woman into a bathroom. Scary huh?

The hysteria being generated by the Right over Trans individuals using the bathroom of the sex they identify with is rapidly reaching the paranoia and fear levels of the Salem Witch Hunts. If something is done to stop them, people will wind up getting hurt. Someone will decided that your daughter or wife doesn't look enough like a girl and assault them because they have been brainwashed into thinking that “OMG (That one actually stands for Oh My God) that pervert is gonna hurt somebody!” When this happens, the only people to blame for the injuries and perhaps even deaths will be the people who passed the bigoted laws in the first place and the people who bought into all the lies and fear.

End of Rant.

Judge not least ye be...mocked for decades to come or Peeking in the potty

So a very long, sometimes amusing but more often then not annoying comment chain started by my busy body brother, Ben Baker had commentary on the discriminatory laws being passed by states like North Carolina and Mississippi (Em Eye Crooked Letter Crooked Letter Eye...What you never heard that spelling song before?) that would ban Transgender and Transsexual individuals from using the bathroom of the sex they identify with inspired me to write this little rant. I thought it might be gas at first but after a little while I realized it wasn't. So here we go!

Two of the individuals commenting on the chain showed exactly what the bigoted propaganda being put out by the Conservative Right sounds like. Things like “OMG, perverts in woman's clothes are gunna rape my little gurl” and “Geezus, my little becky might accidentally see a man's wiener” or words to that effect were bandied about. They are convinced that passing brand spanking new laws will stop all of the pervs out there from slapping on woman's clothes and going into spy on Little Becky while she is tinkling. Never mind that it is already against the law to spy on people in the bathroom and people still do it. These brand new laws will definitely stop them all.

(As an aside here, I find it highlarious that all of the people making new laws to stop criminals because the old ones don't are pretty much the same ones who are against new gun control laws because “criminals don't obey the law.” Which is it folks, explain the disconnect to me please.)

Now believe it or not, this little rant isn't exactly about the new bigoted laws that are costing states billions of dollars because people are refusing to do business with bigots. Nope, that's just a kind of a side issue of what I am speechifying about today. See, history is full of moments when what people consider to be the norm is confronted with newer and more civilized ideas. When this happens, the backwards people scream bloody murder and struggle with all of their might to defend what is “good, decent and proper” in the world from “perverts and criminals.” They quote the Bible, they quote “science” and they quote “experts” to show how right they are and how wrong the freaks are.

Pick any time of upheaval in the US ranging from Abolition to Women voting to Equal rights to Same Sex Marriage and you will see what I am speaking of. The “that is the way things have always been” crowd have fought (often times violently and murderously) to keep things they way they were because that is what they were comfortable with and that was what they believed is right. They mocked and vilified the people trying to move forward and predicted gloom and doom for the world if people actually listened to them.

Well now, LGBT people are the new “OMG that ain't right!” crowd and the same tactics and same rhetoric is streaming out of the...mouths of Conservatives. Their hate speech and lies is virtually identical to the same crap spewed when Minorities were given equal rights. It is IDENTICAL to the bull spewed when Same Sex Marriage was made the law of the land. I mean, you'd swear that these bigots simply did an interwebz search for “Hate Rhetoric of the past” and copied and pasted it pretty much word for word. Well except of course substituting Transgender for Negro so I guess they did some editing.

In the end, I have to say I pity these fearful bigots the same way bigots in the past should be pitied. You can scream and fight and fuss all you want. You can rail against “perversion” and pass as many laws as you want, but it won't do any good in the long run. Bigotry always loses out. Sure it might take time, but it always happens. Always. It might be next year or a decade from now, but you will lose and freedom will win. Change is inevitable and unstoppable (wait is that redundant?) so suck it up buttercup.

Bigots of today should be very careful or one day 20 years from now, people will be reading about you on the SuperWebz ™ and laughing at just how backwards and stupid your ideas were the same way right minded people today look back at Anti-Equal Rights bigots of the 50s and 60s. If you don't learn from the mistakes of the past, you are destined to be nothing but a humorous footnote in history.

End of Rant