I've seen a lot of tating on what will happen if either one is elected. Common Taters from both sides of the aisle have gone on and on and on and on (well you get the idea) about the miracles or disasters that will occur if THE OTHER ONE is elected or if THE RIGHT ONE is elected. I really believe that more has been written about this election cycle than any other since Domino's had people voting for the next specialty pizza back in the day. If most of it wasn't digital, it'd prolly fill several landfills.
Now I have seen all of the gloom and doom predictions by various "experts" and I suppose that no matter which candidate wins, there will be a lot of losers. However, I am sure you all are relieved to know that, no matter who wins, at least one person will be facing a Win/Win/Win/Win situation. That person, of course, is me.
Now "Ass old boy, how in Dog's name can you possibly be a winner no matter who is elected? Being rabidly anti-Trump and not too fond of Republicans in general, won't you suffer greatly under the Bipedal Cheeto's reign?" These are great questions, I am impressed by your savvy nature. I will now try my darndest to try to explain my oh so bright future.
See the way I see it, there are a number of possible combinations coming out of tomorrow's attempt at democracy. 1. (and the one I view as most likely) Hillary will win the POTUS race and Deomocrats will seize control of both House and Senate. 2. Hillary will win POTUS but the Republicans will retain control. 3. Trump will win POTUS and Democrats will seize control of the other places and of course 4. Trump wins and Republicans will keep control. 4 possibilities and I personally win in all 4.
See, as an Uncommon Tater (as opposed to the Common Taters you see in most places. Confused? Sound it out. lol) my bread and butter is Politics and World News. The weirder and wilder it gets, the easier my job is. So no matter how you slice that bread, the next four years is pure Tating Gold. I mean the blogs will practically write themselves. Now one might argue this is a serious case of fiddling while Rome burned, but hey I don't live in Georgia any more so I'm in no danger. (GET IT!? Rome...Italy...Rome...Georgia? See its funny because....anyway moving on.) Lettuce look at all four of those scenarios to better grasp my glee.
Scene One: Clinton wins and Democrats assume the majority. Of the four scenes, this one has the least potential for Tating. I'll be pretty much stuck with four years of cracking on whichever states scream that they are going to secede from the Union and rag on all the people screaming that the elections were rigged and the Democrats stole the victory from Trump and the Republicans. Mildly amusing, but really way to much work for a lazy guy like me.
Scene Two: This one has a little bit more potential. If Clinton wins the POTUS seat and the Republicans their control, we will have four years of "Our number one job is to make Clinton a one term president" and Republicans blocking anything she might do, including appointing a new SCOTUS judge. This, of course, will lead to lots and lots of Executive Actions which will lead to a whole bunch of "Empress Clinton" screams. So we have a bit more potential for comedy.
Scene Three: Pretty much the same as Scene Two, just with a different side doing the screaming. So about the same level of potential comedy.
Scene the Fourth: Now this one has the most potential for pure comedy gold. You've got the Toupee that walks like a man as POTUS and a whole bunch of people who don't really like him running the rest the show. So, there are a few different possibilities with this one. Republicans will be forced to make an impossible decision. They will be forced to choose between supporting a man that almost none of them like and support because...well he is a Republican and POTUS no matter how bad or insane his decisions are or use their power to make sure that he doesn't completely wreck the nation. Either way it is a lose/lose situation because if they support him, they run the risk of not being reelected because all the Repulicans who hate Trump (and there are lot of them) get honked off and vote for someone else. If they don't support him and work to limit the damage he does, then they run the risk of not being reelected because the people that do support Trump are honked off. Add to that four years of Democrats screaming in terror and I can just sit back and watch the blogs write themselves.
Sure the rest of you can fret over "If X gets elected, the Zombie Alpacalypse will destroy this nation and We'll all be forced to by government funded Undead Insurance whether we want to or not." Some might say "IF Y is elected, then equal rights for RHLHCFs (That's Redheaded, Left Handed, Cubs Fans btw) will be set back 60 years" and yes, yes these are all perfectly valid concerns. However since I already have Undead Insurance through MetUnlife and I am a BHRHDF (figure it out for yourselves, I can't teach you everything) I am not too concerned.
So like I said, no matter how this disaster plays out, I win. Four years of pure comedy gold served up to me on a lead platter. (Lead because I am going to need it for shielding for my fallout shelter after the nuclear war.) The rest of you might have problems, but I am good to go. So let the cow chips fall where they may and BRING ON THE ELECTION!
End of Rant
Last minute addendum: If Jill Stein or anyone else manages to win, I will probably just take the next four years off cause...I got nuthin.
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