News at 11

For those who don't follow my FB pages, this is in response to a promise I made yesterday.  

“Peter Rabbit is a stupid book about a stupid rabbit that steals vegetables from other peoples' gardens.” from Your a good man, Charlie Brown.

Broadcast from the ABC (Anthropomorphic Broadcasting system)

      “The infamous gangster P. Rabbit was in the news today when he and his loyal Lieutenants Flops, Mops and CT broke into the Warehouses of P. Rabbit's rival McGregor (Known on the streets as The Farmer) Armed with high caliber WW (Wabbit Wifle) 50 caliber assault weapons. The reason for the attacks are unknown at this time but experts in the AM (Anthropomorphic Mafia) theorize that it was an attempt to break The Farmer's stranglehold on the foreign import of Carrot Cakes. The Rabbits have been trying to find a way to muscle in ever since McGregor assaulted P. Rabbit in an earlier raid and left him naked in the streets.

      “No official body count has been released yet, but among the ones assumed dead at this point are Rott and Labs (Also known as the Dawg brothers) and several warehouse workers called The Chickens. Property damage is estimated to be in the high six figure range not counting the dozens of cargo containers with premium weapons grade Colombian Carrots in them. McGregor is listed in stable condition at a local hospital ward and already sworn to keep the Rabbits out his territory which he calls his Garden.

      “Authorities at this time have no information as to where the Carrots have been taken or the current whereabouts of the Rabbit Gang. P. and his followers are known to have a luxurious hide out somewhere in the city known as the Rabbit Hole, but no one has ever been able to discern its location. A fifth member of the gang known only as Mother is reputed to reside there and oversee the day to day operations of the gang for P. Rabbit.

      “Mayor Y. Sam has issued an official denouncement of these actions and is demanding stronger controls over Assault Weapons owned by animals. 'This city, nay this country can never be safe as long as these Stinking Varmints are allowed to carry guns. I hates those stinking rabbits!' Sam's supporters are afraid his strong words will cause problems with his re-election campaign and has attempted to mollify the public by assuring them that Sam has nothing against law abiding animals simply those who choose to break the law.

      “Sam's opponent in the upcoming race, E. Fudd had this to say, “This is a weally weally bad situation and we must wecognize that the actions of these Wascally Wabbits does not reflect the actions of other animals or even other Wabbits. For my opponent to condemn all animals as varmints shows that he is not weady to continue leading this grand city.'

      “Fudd's words (while distorted) are suspect since it is well known that he has received millions of dollars from the AM especially from the Black Feather gang lead by D. Duck. All that is known for sure about the entire situation is that as long as these criminals continue to run amok (amok amok amok), no Good Rabbit will ever be safe.”

With true respect and love to Beatrix Potter, Mel Blanc and Charles Schultz.