Yay it's over...wait..3 weeks...WTF or Can we just move to Apocalypse Now please?

 Okie Dokie, so our Brilliant.Ultimate.Lavish.Leaders.Serving.Honorably.In.Teamwork (Most people won't get it) have reached an agreement at over a month of the impasse to reopen the Federal Government...for THREE WEEKS! Pause for a second before reading more and ponder that. 30ish days later with over 800,000 people suffering from lack of pay and the Coast Guard not being paid, the mentally challenged monkeys that supposedly run this country reached an agreement that lasts a shorter time than the freaking shut down!

No matter who you blame for the shutdown, this should honk you off. Can you grasp how ridiculous and useless our elected officials have to be to not even be able to compromise and work together enough just to keep the government running? I mean forget working together to fix our failing infrastructure, lack of decent medical care and education. Forget passing laws that might possibly benefit everyone or getting our troops home from places they should have never been. All that is (possibly) complicated and contentious which might be more than the Reboobicans and Damnocrats can handle. No, how about just working together ever how briefly to give the nation they are supposed to be running enough cash to keep going?

I dunno, maybe I am asking too much. Maybe my expectations are unreasonably high. I mean, maybe there are nuances that I just can't see. I mean it's not like there are dozens of other nations that actually manage to operate despite their political differences on the most basic level of actually keeping their governments open. I mean it's not like the US is one of, if not the only nation that regularly shuts itself down at least once a year. It's not like...wait it is like that? Huh, who knew?
Now it is easy to blame Trump for this (Mainly because a lion's share of the fault is his, but moving on.) or “those people.” It's even easier to blame individuals like Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi because they are the visible and vocal faces you see on TV. It is easy to blame the nutters on both sides for being “hardline” and “Obstructionists,” but a handful of individuals would not be enough to derail everything and let this insanity keep happening. No, the blame must lie solely on the group as a whole.

The number of actual hardliners in each party is relatively small. The majority (IMNSHO) is reasonable (Word used very loosely) individuals that could prolly find some common ground to work together at least on the simple stuff. The problem lies in that these reasonable people are too afraid to buck the others or anger their constituents out of fear of not being reelected. So they refuse to be seen “Colluding with the enemy” and generally keep their mouths shut. The few that do speak out are ridiculed or ignored.

Over the 38 years I have been voting (and yes I have voted in every election), I have seen my expectations diminish about what I expect from our “Government.” The innocent dreams of my halcyon youth of a strong, decent government working together to make everyone's lives better has pretty much eroded down to “At least keep the damned thing open and running.” Despite my cynical, snarky and abusive appearance (The scientific term is CSA syndrome), I really do believe that most people are decent, moderately intelligent and caring individuals (For the record, I also believe in Santa, the Easter Beagle and the Tooth Fairy who still owes me $5.00 for that last tooth.) and that we could all work together for the common good. However, how can we even begin to hope to work together when our most visible representatives spend more time flinging (metaphorical usually) feces at each other than actually doing their jobs?

As stated many times in the past, I don't like Republicans or Democrats and I am leery of Libertarians simply because Rand Paul's hair is just too perfect. (I suspect he is an android or maybe a Space Lizard in a human suit.) I think “Liberals” and “Conservatives are too blinded by their own political dogma to actually agree on anything. I think, in its current condition, our government is destined to collapse completely unless all of our “leaders” can stop being morons and get their crap together. Hopefully, this will happen or things are only going to get worse.

End of Rant

GIANT METEORITE IN 2020!

We'll be back! or Are You Syrias?

So the current uproar is over the proposed removal of US troops from Syria and perhaps Afghanistan too. Both sides are all a tither about it and the Liarberterians are all "WAHOO!!! GOOD START!" Whereas I personally lean towards that attitude myself, I am greatly amused by all the hullabaloo over it? Why, do you ask? (Doesn't matter if you actually asked because I am gonna tell you anyway. I am kind of mean that way.) Simple, because even if we pull out every single trooper/trooperette from everywhere in the ME, it won't last.

Anyone who actually believes that we have massive amounts of troops and materials stationed in Sand Central Station (see what I did there?) out of some sense of helping keep peace in the globe (Or disk depending on your personal beliefs) or out of some grand fear that these small nations (Seriously, most of the ME could fit inside of Texas and still have room left over for England.) might someday overwhelm us with their massive forces prolly owns at least one bridge in either Brooklyn or California. We have continuously invaded, bombed, shot and hockey pucked the ME for as long as we have for one reason, resources.

Whether its oil or rare metals or Wodan knows what else, we have been “intervening” in the Middle East for a very long time. We have installed more puppets than Jim Henson and could finance Universal Health care for...well the Universe with all of the money we have spent on these wasted wars. We have invaded, “liberated” and pulled out over and over again but after occasional and very brief periods, we just rushed back in and did it all over again. Really doesn't matter who has been in charge or which party was running things, somehow we always find an excuse to go back. I mean, look at Obama. He was hailed as a peaceful man and promised to get us out of the ME conflicts, but he continued and increased old W's drone strike program and kept troops on the ground.

The problem the “Get our troops out of there” groups are facing is simple. The ME has something we want and even if we don't need that something right now, we MIGHT need it in sometime in the future, so our troops WILL be going back prolly sooner than later in the latest Enduring Liberating Free Somethingornother. (ELFS in military lingo.) So IF Trump does pull troops out and bring them home, enjoy the respite, but don't really count on it lasting longer than a Big Mac on his desk.

Child Prostitution by any other name...or Sauce for gooses

So I have seen no less than 5 of my "friends" here posting pieces about an 11 or 12-year-old Drag Queen who "stripped for pedophiles at a Gay club for money." (Taken verbatim from one of the "news stories" posted.) The wording of the best of the pieces was so ridiculously biased that it hurt my headparts just to read it and the worst offender (which the quote is taken from) was about as anti-LGBT as you can get.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a little disturbed by a child performing burlesque in front of adults, but you folks are just frothing at the mouth disturbed. But, believe it or not, your posting of inaccurate and in two cases outright lies (Chaz Carsten, you don't count. Your history of trying to honk people off and make the yell precedes you.) is not why I am writing this little missive. No dear reader, I am writing this because of the SHEER HYPOCRISY of some of you.

The lady who posted the article that the quote is from is my perfect example. If you go to her page and scroll far enough, you will find lots and lots of posts featuring clips from such shows as "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Dance Moms" where "loving parents" essentially prostitute out their underage children in hopes of fame and fortune. If you check YouTube, you can find loads of videoes showing little girls ranging from ages 4 to 12 parading around in brief outfits and acting in a very sexualized way towards judges and cameras. Hells the one of the 6-year-old dressed up as Madonna "singing" Like a Virgin made ME blush.

The hypocrisy in this is mind-blowing. Not only is this sort of child prostitution accepted as normal, but it is actually encouraged. So if you are okay with a 6-year-old little girl prancing around the stage in a tiny two-piece bumping and grinding for the judges but you are offended when an 11-year-old does the same thing for other adults, then congratulations, you are a hypocrite. Now eagerly await all of the people trying to explain how its "different" and how I am "wrong."

End of Rant

Us against Them only benefits Those people or This blog will prolly bomb.

Whenever a crime or atrocity occurs, the knee-jerk reaction of all sides is almost always to blame everyone who fits into the same group as the person committing the crime. A madman who also happens to be a Liberal walks into a school and kills kids and immediately Conservatives scream about how evil all Liberals are. A Nutjob who happens to be a Conservative shoots up a Planned Parenthood or attacks a pizza place and POOF Liberals are all over how bad Conservatives are. Any time someone does something bad, people will do this. It is like there is this almost pathological mindset that forces these people into blaming the whole for the actions of the one. Conversely though, when one of their own does the same thing, they immediately state that all of them aren't like that.

See, here is the thing. (No I won't put it away. It's my thing and I can wave it around if I want to. See? WAVE! WAVE!) As a general rule (There are a few exceptions historically speaking) “People” don't commit crimes. All of the Liberals in the country didn't snatch up a gun and walk into the school to shoot people. All of the Conservatives didn't try to shoot up a pizza joint because they believed it was the headquarters of a Pedophile ring. In the majority of these cases, it was a person with a tenuous grip on reality who committed these crimes and THEY are the only ones who should be blamed for them.

Take the most recent instance of this sort of thing. Bombs are being mailed to various Democratic/Liberal figures. So far none of them have done any harm but at least a half dozen have been found so far. Immediately, both sides are pointing fingers at the other and saying it is some sort of conspiracy to make the opposing side look bad. Damnocrats are saying this is a deliberate attack by the Cantservatives to try and frighten them before the elections. Cantservatives are saying this is a conspiracy by Damnocrats to make them look bad and sway people away before the election.

Now I have no idea which side is right. This might well be an attempt to make the Republican party look bad to hurt them during the election. It might also be an attempt to scare off Democratic voters and supporters for the same reason. Heck, it might just be Bomb Season and no one mentioned it. The only thing I am moderately certain of is that if and when the actual identities of the bomber/s comes out, they won't be part of some grand, nationwide conspiracy funded by George Soros or the Penis brothers. (I am sorry but ever since I heard how their name is pronounced, I have neither been able to type or say it with a straight face. Of course, I still giggle when someone pronounces Uranus.) If the truth comes out, I bet all of Ben Baker's best jerky and any donuts that John McDuffie has that he/she/it are more than a little disturbed with few friends and possibly living in their parent's basement. (Unless they are actually from Florida as some reports are suggesting. Not a lot of basements down there.)

What we need to do is stop blaming the Whole for the actions of the few and start focusing on the people actually committing these crimes. The fact that a school shooter might have been a Liberal Democrat is just one small factor into why they commit the crime. The fact that some old White dude that shot up Planned Parenthood happened to be a Conservative Republican is much less important than exactly what mental illness drove him to do it. Once we stop trying to blame everyone we dislike for the actions of individuals, we might just make progress into being a better nation.

End of Rant

Crunch time, People or "It's the End of the World and We know it."

So I have really been losing pretty much all hope for this country for well over a decade. Illegal wars disguised as righteous fury in multiple countries ground down my hopes. Terrorism in the form of drone strikes and bombs that killed 1000s of innocent civilians dashed my dreams on the rocks of reality. Blatant and poorly disguised racism and hatred suddenly becoming the norm set fire to the bloody corpse. Nothing I saw really gave me much hope for the future of America. I have pretty much reached the point where I am ready for it all to go to Hell, burn down so maybe it can be rebuilt again with fewer mistakes. I have pretty much decided that this mid term election will be the tipping point where I either reserve some blind and foolish hope that people actually care or just say EFF it and break out the marshmallows.

“Why this mid term election,” my earnest reader may ask (HI STAN!)? Why no the upcoming 2020 election? The answer is simple. See right now EVERYONE is pissed off. The Right is pissed off at the Left, The Left is pissed off at the Right. Moderates are pissed off at everyone. Damnocrats are screaming, “IF WE DON'T RETAKE THE HOUSE AND SENATE, WE'RE ALL DOOMED!” Reboobicans are screaming, “IF THE DAMNOCRATS RETAKE THE HOUSE AND SENATE, WE ARE ALL DOOMED!” Moderates are...well Moderates are worried if someone doesn't refill their coffee they are doomed. The important thing to take from this is that both sides are absolutely convinced that if “The Good Guys” don't get up off their asses and vote in November, then “The Bad Guys” will gain/keep absolute power and totally destroy the country.

So if EVERYONE on both sides is convinced and riled up about their precious MERRICA! Being destroyed by “those people,” then come that happy day in November everyone in the US capable of voting (Don't worry the dead folks have people voting for them.) should get up off their plastic covered couches and take the hour or so needed to cast their votes. I mean, if y'all are really convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that this might well be the end of “your” way of life, it only makes sense that (Loving America the way you do) you'd do your civic duty (Heh I said civic) and try to stop it from happening.

When the Great Orange Dope got elected, Damnocrats spent months screaming that he would destroy America and that he had to be stopped. Reboobicans spent months screaming that he was the only hope America had. (I spent months screaming for fresh jerky, but that is another story.) Still, when election day came, voter turn out was truly abysmal. Admittedly there was a moderately higher turnout in the Angry and Unreasonable Old White People bracket (AUOWP for short), but for the most part what should have been a monumental turnout was more like the turnout for Donnie Dumpsterfire's Inauguration Day. (Sorry couldn't resist.) People proved that, despite all of the rage and screaming, they really just didn't give a fugg.

So now, we have had twoish years of Hair Furrer and his cronies being in charge. Some people think he is destroying the country and dragging us all down with him. Others think that he is the second coming of Anita Bryant (What? She REALLY liked Orange stuff!) and will save the world. We have had two years of both sides stoking the fires of hate and volumes of unreasoning diatribe preaching doomsday if THEY aren't defeated in the Mid Terms. If you believe Social Media and other sources, the whole country is riled up and ready to do something. (Cannot believe I just said “believe Social Media” with a straight face. Meh, blame the drugs.)

So if it is true that the Dims and the Boobs are both honked off and ready to do something, then that means the voter turnout this November should be truly EPIC. It means that we won't see voter participation levels since Tennessee voted to make Whiskey the national bird. If all of y'all are truly worried about the fate of the nation, then that means we should see 60%, 70% or even 80% voter participation and mean on all sides Damnocrat, Reboobican, Liarbertarian, Mooderate, Martian. If, however, all I see are the same pathetic numbers we have seen in the past, then it will tell me all I need to know and will pretty much drain the life out of any real hope I have for America.

It is simple. No matter what your political beliefs are, vote. No matter what direction you think the country should be headed, vote. Even if you don't like the candidates, vote. (Write in your own, vote for the Green Party, make some name up, hell vote for Mickey Mouse) Voting is both a right and a privilege that a lot of good people laid down their lives for you to have. It is your (albeit limited) chance to have some say in just how the government is going to screw you over and whether or not they will use lotion when they do it. Prove to me that the outrage is real and not something for show. I will vote this November just like I have voted in every Local, State and National election that has happened ever since I turned 18.   

If you ain't voting, then stop whining or Wow people are still paying me for doing this.

Before I begin this little rant, let me give you some brief history about myself. I am an author with 4 books to my credit. I am also a wee bit of an asshole. (Seriously, if the name of the blog didn't tell you that then reading that sentence prolly didn't help.) I am a Moderate Independent when it comes to politics with admittedly Liberal tendencies. (Dungeons and Dragons reference, get your grandparents to explain it to you.) I have been writing professionally since I was 16 years old. My first paid piece was a short OP-ED piece in the GRIT (Yes it was an actual thing.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grit_(newspaper)) entitled “If you don't vote don't complain.” It earned me the grand total of $35.00 which was a hefty amount to a 16 year old kid in Rural Alabama. Finding out that people would actually pay me for the weird thoughts that rampaged through my headparts pretty much sealed my fate and I have been writing ever since. Anyways, enough history. Onward and Downwards!

So I am seeing a whole lot of “VOTE RED!” and “VOTE BLUE!” and “VOTE THOSE LOSERS OUT!” More so than any other time that I can remember. (Keep in mind, I am currently on narcotics so my long term memory is kind of shot.) Everyone and their aardvark are screaming at the top of their lungs for THIER side to get out and kick the other side out of the government. Each side is doing their best to make the other side seem like the second coming of Lucifer D. Devil and their own side to be one step away from God. The general cry is “If THEY are allowed to Keep/Seize power then we are all DOOMED!”

Like I mentioned earlier, I am a Moderate and an Independent. In the past I have voted both Republican and Democrat for local, state and national elections. I tend to focus on which candidates are right for the job not which party they belong to. The best thing about this is that it pretty much gives me free reign to smack down both sides whenever I feel like it which I often do. Readers of my blog and followers on Twitter have seen me rage against Damnocrats and Reboobicans over and over. So as a Moderate Independent Uncommon Tater, let me say this. Forget “Vote Blue!” Forget “Vote Red!” Just get EFF out there and freaking VOTE!

Here is my thoughtifying on that rather loud sentence. I am kind of easy and prolly a little bit gullible so I believe that no matter what happens that everything will work out in the end. Sure, things may suck for awhile. Sure we may need to rebuild afterwards, but no matter who is in charge we will survive. So, having said that, GET OUT THERE AND VOTE! Vote Damnocrat, vote Reboobican, Vote Liarberterain! (Still working on a good insult for that one. Any ideas? Suggestions?) Vote Red! Vote Blue! Vote Plaid! Vote Rainbow! Just get the EFF out of your chairs and vote!

We are a Democracy (Ok yeah technically we aren't, but moving on...) which means ideally that the governments we elect are representative of the wishes of the people. If the “People” want to elect a Trans-Species One eyed one horned flying purple people eater (You have heard that song, right? If no, SHAME!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx47qrH1GRs) I am a pretty easy going dude so I will survive no matter what. (Being straight White and Christian doesn't hurt my chances either.) I am okay with a Conservative Government or a Liberal one or a combination thereof as long as it is voted in by a majority of Americans because (at least in theory) if say 89% of all eligible Americans vote, then the type of government you get is the one that almost everyone approves of.

Come November and come 2020, get out and vote. Vote for whomever you feel will be least likely to EFF us over. (Come on, they're politicians, no one can really expect them to actually represent us.) I am sick and tired of everyone whining and kvetching about how bad our government is or how evil the party running it is because the majority of y'all don't even bother to get up off your lazy butts and vote. Like my long ago first paid piece said, “If you don't vote. Don't complain.”

Tating while impaired or Gee golly, those pink lizards in tap shoes are so CUTE!

So before I start this little tate, I feel I should fill in all of my readers who don't follow me on Facebook. (If you don't actually follow me then SHAME ON YOU!!!!) If I don't, what follows will prolly make even less sense than most of my blogs.

So yesterday morning, I was awakened from my slumber by a twenty foot tall lumberjack pounding the left side of my face with a fifty pound sledgehammer. (Don't ask why a Lumberjack was using a hammer instead of an ax, you'll just confuse me.) Like any true red blooded macho American male, I cried like a little baby and called my wife for help. Somehow, even though she was literally in another state (Wait, does DC count as another state? That one always confused me.) she manages, at 0800 hours, to find me a dentist that will see me immediately AND even manages to arrange payment over the phone since I had no funds.

When I get to the dentist (Ever tried riding a motorcycle with a blinding toothache? It is not nearly as much fun as it sounds.) they check me out and determine that I have a MASSIVE infection in one of my teeth and it had spread to two other teeth that had shattered long long ago when they first came in. (Both were wisdom teeth btw. More on that in a second.) So these wonderful people (They are now our new dentists because they are so awesome!), arrange for me to see an oral surgeon immediately (Keep in mind it is still like 0830 hours). Thanks to my amazing wife and Mother in law, we manage to find the funds to pay for the surgery and less than half an hour later and more local anesthetic (I actually spelled that word right the first time. I am shocked.) than most people see in a lifetime, the full tooth and two shattered wisdom teeth were gone.

(Okay as promised, a quick aside. When my wisdom teeth came in, two came in perfectly with no need to see a dentist like many people suffer through. The other two, one of the left top and one on the left bottom) came in hollow for some reason and shattered immediately afterwards. This was when I was like 19 or 20. The shattered remnants never gave me any trouble so I never even thought about them much after that. That is until they became ravaged by a nasty infection. Boy did I notice them then. Anyho moving on.)

Now that we have established prezactly why I am running around the house looped on very strong narcotics. (The surgeon prescribed both a narcotic painkiller and the usual 800mg Motrin with Codeine because he cheerfully informed me that because two of the removed teeth were wisdom teeth the pain I would be feeling the first week would be more than the 800mg Motrin could handle. Day 2 and I can assure you that he was RIGHT!) As a little bit more background to myself and addictive substances, let me also tell you that I have never been the least bit attracted to mind altering substances. My only real experience with such stuff was my senior year in high school when I decided that I should get drunk at least once, just to see what the fuss was about. I got knee walking, commode hugging blind as a blind bat drunk on graduation night and woke up two days later. My friends informed me that I had attempted to swim the Conecuh River...lengthwise. I decided on that day that I did enough truly and monumentally stupid stuff (If you ask nicely, I'll do a blog with a listing of the top ten.) when I was sober and unimpaired so if I wanted to live a nice long life, I should avoid intoxication.

Okay enough background filler crap, on to the actual blog!

Ok so day two of some serious narcotic painkiller after having three infected teeth remove or SSNPKAHTITR for short. (Doesn't it just roll of the tongue?) First observation I have is simply a reinforcement of my lack of understanding of why being stoned or drunk is such an attraction to some people. Whereas I am mostly lucid, I can tell how impaired I am when I walk, talk and especially type. It takes much longer than usual for lucid thoughts to form and even longer for me to expresss them. (My friends and family may now make any appropriate or inappropriate jibes they want about me and lucidity.) I just fail to see how this sort of existence could be an attraction to anyone. Of course, while my life has been hard more often then not, I have suffered few real traumas (Besides seeing Ben nekkid that is. SHUDDER) so it may be just that I have much less to escape from.

Observation the second is more of a technical nature. Anyone who has known me for more than say 30 seconds will tell you that I am not exactly the most graceful of creatures. I am the guy who can and has tripped over someone else's shadow...from a mile away. If I had a dollar for everytime I have fallen down the stairs, I'd could afford Starbucks. The only thing that I can do fairly well and quickly is type. So imagine a schmuck who has zero balance and zero dexterity suddenly trying to go through life with a drug that completely EFFS with your body. Coming down the stairs suddenly goes from a slow process because of bad knees to a “Ok, the stairs are currently rotating clockwise at a speed of 5mph and the house is rotating counterclockwise at a speed of 9.5 km, so my upper body should lean left and my lower body should lean right for the first five steps, then reverse for the next ten process. (Spoiler, I survived coming down the stairs this morning.) Don't even ask about getting from the bottom of the stairs to my office.)

So really all this experience has done is reinforce my dislike of mind altering substances and my extreme love of my wonderful wife. I make no disparaging remarks about people who enjoy their MAS (Waves at Ben Baker) and certainly mean no ill words against anyone who is suffering from addictions to said MAS. Who knows, since I will be on the narcotics for three more days, I may come to see the attraction, but I doubt it. Still, I will continue to blog about the Tales of a Stoned Tater as I see fit and hopefully y'all will be entertained. Till tomorrow, PEACE OUT!