Zamboni Alpacalips Day 8 or Its The End Of The World As We Know It.

Now, this may come as a surprise to a lot of you. (Well, the ones who don't read or have been living under a rock for the past few years.) I genuinely hate Donald Trump. Now in my defense, I hated him long before he became president. I have also hated pretty much every POTUS we have had for a very long time. I don't like Trump. I didn't like Obama. I truly despised Bush the Sequel. I liked Clinton only because he was somewhat amusing and played the Saxophone. I found Bush the Original mildly tolerable. The previous POTUSES (POTI? POTUSIES?) pretty much blur together, but I am pretty sure I wasn't fond of them either. However, after explaining all of that in my own long-winded manner, let me restate that I TRULY HATE DONALD TRUMP!
     Why do I hate Hair Furrer, you may ask? (And I hope you asked because if you didn't, I am talking to myself again.) It's not because of his political ineptness. It is not because of his lying and pandering to his mentally challenged followers. It is not because he is obviously using his office to further his own riches. He is a politician, after all, so all of this is as normal as me eating BBQ. No, the reason I despise this man is simple. HE'S A FREAKING MORON!
     Anyone who listens to this man speak on any occasion should understand that his mental capacity is slightly less than a garden slug on crack. He is incapable of forming more than one coherent sentence in any given speech, and his mind wanders more than a cat chasing butterflies, When he speaks, its an embarrassment to the nation and the world. Oh yeah, I could add that his bad hairpiece and even worse fake tan hurt my feelings, but that would probably be a bit petty.
     Donald Trump is the current symbol of everything that is wrong with our electoral/political structure. Here is a man who should never have been taken seriously. If he hadn't been a billionaire/TV personality, the first time he spoke after announcing his candidacy would have destroyed his chances. But because we have turned our elections into multi-billion dollar popularity contests, the man with the loudest and most colorful personality won and people cheered.
     Until we stop this moronic farce that we allowed our government to become, it is only going to get worse. Trump is a symptom of the overall disease and isn't even patient zero. He is just the current culmination of all the stupid that came before. We need to stop electing people we like who promise us all the things we want and start electing the assholes who will actually work to fix all of the problems that previous stupid has caused. Until we do that, we are going to keep getting Trumped.

End of Rant

Zamboni Alpacalips, Day 7 or ITS A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU!

Any time any disaster occurs, there will always be those gifted souls who automatically see sinister forces at work in the background. Its human nature to try and assign some sort of guiding force to disasters to make the horrors less random. The most overwhelming tragedy that has occurred to the US to date, 911, sparked dozens of different conspiracies that are still running rampant even today. So it is only...natural that the Co-vid 19 outbreak has spawned many of its own plots.
(OK, quick side note here. Calling something a conspiracy is not necessarily the same thing as saying its wrong. A conspiracy can be very real. Not all plots are like the shaggy dude in his bathrobe on a street corner, waving his "Bigfoot stole my wife" sign. Having said that, most of the conspiracies running around right now are pretty close to that level.)
Anyhow, onward, and downward!
So why do people cling to outrageous and often impossible "Conspiracy Theories?" Like people who still swear to high heaven that jets did NOT crash into the trade centers even though hundreds of people watched it in person and 1000s more through videos, both professional and amateur. (Note that I am not attacking the "Gubbermint blew em up" or the "jets were not flown by terrorists" crowds, just the "jets didn't fly into the buildings" nutters because ample evidence proves they are full of crap.) Why do seemingly intelligent people desperately cling to these ideas?
I think part of it is that the human-animal likes order. We invented the concept of weeks and months and hours just to make our days and years seem a little tidier. We even went further and created clocks and calendars to help us keep track of those made-up ideas. We went even FURTHER and invented the Leap Year when the first inventions weren't quite orderly enough. We love to assign meaning to the most minute aspects of our lives.
When things like Co-vid 19 or 911 occur that we weren't anticipating, our nice illusion of order and symmetry totally vanishes. Our order deprived minds desperately lash out and latch on to anything that might help us restore some sense of order. Terrorists infiltrate the "Mightiest nation in the world and kill 1000s?" Had to be some grand secret attack by shadow forces in the government. It's just the way we are wired.
The human animal hates randomness. All of the organizations we have developed over the eras like Religions and Governments and Television Series have all been to instill order into the chaos. The problem is that the world doesn't give a flying fig about our need for order or at least our idea of order. We will keep trying to assign blame, and the universe will just soldier on until the next disaster happens.

Zamboni Alpacalips: Day Two or I'M SO LONELY!

     I begin Day 2 of my exile in my reinforced cardboard, and string bunker hid somewhere deep within the wild unexplored reaches of Washington, DC. I am forced to ponder how pretty much anyone born before the age of the Interwebz and social media feels when they hear anyone under the age of 30 complain about isolation. I mean, I know how I feel when I listen to it, and my feelings aren't exactly kind.
     To properly frame this rant, ponder the image of your standard 20 something. Forced to stay in homes for days and days on end. Their only solace is...the internet...Facebook...smart-phone...Skype...Twitter and a baker's dozen more ways to speak to their friends and family. Now add to this the fact that most have cable/satellite tv and access to pretty much the entire history of entertainment. Hells, some services like Amazon, have actually started offering movies that are currently in the theaters.
     Now, I am not (for the most part) mocking these youngsters for feeling isolated. It doesn't make their feelings any less valid just because my mind boggles and struggles to reboot every time I hear them speak. I am forced to wonder how they would deal with true isolation if the current situation drives them so close to bonkers.
     I won't say how old I am. Elvis was still skinny, and Sean Connery still had a full head of hair when I was forced into this world. Doctor Who premiered right around my emergence, and Star Trek was still many years in the future. I was born about 15 miles away from a town so small it's still not on most maps, and our closest neighbors lived 4 miles away. The nearest sizable town was 9 miles away, and the nearest real city was 56 miles away.
     I give you these tidbits to provide you with an idea about how isolated we were even in the best of times. My two best friends (Mostly by default because they were the only two kids my age within 8 miles) lived a mile and a half and 3 miles away. Going to see them and "hanging out" wasn't a spur of the moment thing. Between working on the farm and school (8 hours in school plus an hour and a half bus ride to and from), the only time we really had to play was on the weekends.
     During the winter, which even in Alabama can get nasty, we might spend days or even a week or more and not see anyone besides the family. We certainly couldn't log onto the internet and Snapchat or Zoom (Man I should get monies for all of these product mentions) with our besties to pass the time. The only reading materials in the house were Momma's bible and week-old copies of the Messenger that Daddy got from his boss. Still, somehow we managed to live together without going too crazy and killing each other.
     I really don't mean this rant as some sort of insult or even real mockery. I lived in a house with no running water and no electricity for the first 6 years of my life, but I would still probably lose my freaking mind if I missed the Interwebz. I'm an extrovert who really hates most people, but I would always wind up fruitier than a nutcake if I were forced to exist with only my sterling personality for weeks on end.
     I guess what I am trying to say is this. Stay strong, and stay calm. Chat with your family on your phones. Keep in contact with your friends on Facebook. Visit with someone and brighten their day via Skype. All of this will end sooner or later, and we will recover. We weren't defeated by Disco or Skinny Jeans, so we won't be beaten by a virus named after a really crappy beer.

Oh, oh, oh...my Corona or Zamboni Alpacalips: Day One

Before I start this rant, let me state that it is difficult for me to make my usual jokes and snipes. I have been battling Diabetes for over 10 years and suffer from a severely compromised immune system. Seeing the sheer stupidity of our so-called leaders in Washington and various idiots around the nation honestly pisses me off. I hear the lies and sheer idiocy coming out of Trump's mouth, and I get angry. I see morons refusing to heed the shelter in place orders and holding massive gatherings, and I get mad. I see the number of infected growing every day and I genuinely get worried. Despite all of this, I see a lot of people doing everything they can on You-tube and other social platforms to encourage and entertain everyone. I see famous people going above and beyond the call of duty to help as much as they can. So, I am inspired. Okay, enough of all the touchy-feely emotional crap, on with the rant!

Oh, oh oh...my Corona

or

Zamboni Alpacalips: Day One

     I sit here in my cardboard reinforced bunker hidden somewhere in the wilds of unexplored Washington, DC, and ponder how much longer we have before civilization is completely destroyed. I glace worryingly at my 20 Assault Can openers with the mere 2000 cans of ammo and wonder how I will defend myself once the starving hordes discover my location. I count the two cargo trailers filled with toilet paper to try and calculate how long I have before I have to scrounge for moss and soft leaves. I fear for the day when the 22 pallets of Dark Roast coffee I have hidden away runs out, and I am forced to live without caffeine.
     I grew up in the woods, you see. My Daddy, my Momma, the dogs, and me. (All nods to Hank Jr.) I survived that last major apocalypse this nation suffered. Yes, I am speaking of the 70s and Disco. So, this ain't my first rodeo when it comes to the End of the World. However, this is the first disaster where large numbers of people are doing everything they can to make everything worse. People in positions of power are encouraging crowds to gather. Others are spreading the lie that this disaster is all some sort of hoax. The so-called President of the United States seems to be more concerned with making money than he is the health of his people.
     As much as I am angered by the stupidity and callousness of these people, I am not discouraged. As much as it scares me to see how easily these idiots are making things worse, I am not discouraged. As much as it hurts my headparts every time Hair Furrer gives one of his "briefings," I am not hopeless. Because no matter how many of these morons I see, I see just as many if not more people are doing everything they can to make things better.
     Hit You-Tube or any social media site, and you will see hundreds of videos posted by people. These videos range from entertainment like music to how-to videos on ways to make isolation easier. Stars like Sir Patrick Stewart are taking time to read just to try and help. A large number of people are trying to make things better for everyone. This is what encourages me and gives me hope that we can all get through this.
      So to try and do my small part, I am starting a brand new series of rants. I will post one new one every day. My goal is not to be my usual asshole self. Instead, my snipes and barbs will be aimed at amusing and entertaining every one of my readers. (All five of you. You know you are) Not promising that every rant will be a gem, but hopefully, y'all will at least be distracted.
Keep safe, keep happy, and at least keep marginally sane. We will get through this.
End of Rant

Well, I be done seen about everything or Huh didn't see that coming.

Okay so as most of you know (All three of you), I have taken a sabbatical from actually tating on political type stuff. Whether or not this vacation is permanent is still up in the air and is mostly dependent on y'all. I reached the point where the sheer stupidity of both sides of this joke of a government has overwhelmed my sense of outrage. Hells, even the Trolls who normally entertain me are acting even dumber than usual. So, for now, I am not even going to begin to tate about Hair Furrer and his cronies or the NEVER TRUMP crowd. Please stay tuned for further updates as they become available.

Now, having said that, I feel compelled to commentate on the sheer amusement factor that Reboobicans and Trumpservatives have provided. See, the situations with border crashers from Mexico and the situation with Iran/Iraq/Middle East has done something that I never thought was possible. Its got them...wait for it...you ready for this...DEFENDING OBAMA!

No, no, wait. I have not finally lost my last few marbles nor am I on illicit substances (Wait does caffeine count?). I am very serious and honestly just as shocked as you are, but its true. Go to any article about immigration or the trouble brewing in the ME and check the comment sections. You will find a butt load of people trying (and failing) to defend Donnie Dumpsterfire by saying, “But Obama...” over and over again.

Yeah, yeah I know, they've been saying that for years, but usually in a derogatory way that tried to make him look like an incompetent moron. Now, they are extolling the many many things he did while president. Like the immigration crisis. Check the comment sections on any article and you will find the Left complaining about how Trump has locked up and caged children and their families. (which he has BTW) and then you will find the Right trying to defend this by pointing out (Correctly) that Obama deported more Immigrants than any other president and also kept detainees locked up. Gone are the days of “Obama was soft on illegal immigrants” and here are the days of “You think Trump is bad? Look how much more Obama did!”

OK, not enough? How about the current debacle with Iran/Iraq? The Left is all up in arms because Trump used boom booms to kill an Iranian general in Iraq, pushing us closer to another wasted war in the ME. Well, don't worry! Here comes the Right talking about, “Well, Obama launched 1000s of drone strikes and bombings (He did BTW and I have tated on that many times) and expanded Bush the Sequel's war which resulted in numerous civilian casualties. Gone are the days of “Obama was soft on terrorists and wish washy when it comes to to the Middle East.” Now its “All hail the great war monger, Obama! He's so much meaner than Trump.”

I really never thought I'd live to the day when rabid Reboobicans proudly stood up and defended Obama, but it has happened. I dunno, maybe me winning the lottery isn't so unbelievable now.

Say what you mean and mean what you say or "What are you? 4?"

So anyone who has actually read all of these blogs (You know who you are and seriously, get professional help. Reading this sort of thing is not good for you.) knows that I don't like Trump. Of course, they also know I didn't like Obama, Bush Jr. and Clinton. Now I did have a soft spot in my heart (head) for Bush Sr. and I was particularly fond of Reagan. Sure he kind of sucked but at least he had the excuse of Alzheimer which made him our first verifiable mentally ill POTUS. So, yeah, me and politicians are like oil and a match,

During Obama's reign, I was disgusted by the hatred and vitriol spewed forth by Conservatives. No matter how much I disapproved of his actions and policies, the images of him being hung and burned in effigy really chaffed my garters. I railed against it over and over again as Racists compared his wife to an ape and his children to chimps. Liberals proudly proclaimed that they would never do such things no matter how bad a Republican POTUS might be. Well Sherman, set the not so way forward machine to the current day and lets see how that worked out.

Let me preface the rest of this rant with this. I despise Donald Trump. I feel his hatred and bullying has made America the laughingstock of the world. I feel his policies have done more damge to America than the Great Recession. After running on the usual platform of “fiscal responsibility” and ranting against Obama adding trillions to the debt, he has added three trillion dollars to the debt and doubled the deficit in less than three years. So yeah, I don't like Hair Furrer all that much. Okay, now that we have that out of the way, onward and downward!

My Daddy always said that respect is given, not earned. Of course he also said that possum boiled in moonshine tasted good so we prolly shouldn't put too much faith in what he said. But “respect” means more to me than treating others with respect. Having respect means not lowering yourself to the same level as all of the idiots around you. Sure, Trump is an idiot. Yes, he is a bully and God knows he's incompetent, but acting like a 5 year old on the playground makes you look just as bad.

Fer example, Trump and the 3^rd Lady went to a baseball game the other night and the crowds immediately launched into Donnie's favorite chant and yelled, “LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!” (Side type note here, why did the Trumps go to a ball game and not take their kid? I mean...baseball....kids...? Not a dig against Trump, just curious.) See whereas I do view the whole scene as sort of karmic payback for all the times he has inflamed his drones with similar chants and seeing it happen on national TV on front of millions of viewers was mildly amusing, it still boils down to stooping to his level.

I guess what it boils down to is this. If you can't argue against a person without resorting to grade school insults and playground antics, then you are no better than the people you rail against. Conservatives did it during Obama and now Liberals are doing the same thing under Trump. When I ranted against Obama, I commented on his extending of Bush era wire tapping and his nearly doubling of the drone and missile strikes Bush started that led to 1000s of civilians murdered in the ME. Now I rant against Trump's raiding of military funds to “build” a useless border wall and the fact that he is well on his way to beating Obama's debt increases. (Okay okay, I do occasionally tate on his really bad wig and his love of greasy fast food, but only on days ending in Y.) To make a long story short (TOO LATE!) I try to make my jibes and rants based off actual things he has done wrong.

When you criticize someone, always try and view how your words and critique will be seen by those who don't necessarily agree with your POV. Playing to your normal audience is easy, but trying to speak to everyone is hard. But hey, that is just my NSHO.

End of Rant

TeamTrees Milestone! or Moving on up...

Just a quick update for my readers (All 3 of you.  Hey Chris!) from the Teamtrees.org.  As of this morning, we have reached FIVE MILLION trees to be planted.  Think about it!  In the short time, this social media event has been running, TeamTrees is already one-quarter of the way to its goal of 20 million trees planted by 2020 and we still have two months to go.  If we can keep this up, we'll exceed the goal by....well a lot.  So come on, people.  Donate, share and promote this idea.  I mean whatever your beliefs about climate change/global warming, there is nothing negative about more trees.

Social Media Saves the World or Youtubers UNITE!

TeamTrees 20 Million Trees by 2020

     Okay, I know this isn't my usual brand of tating, but this is a movement that I fully support and think that can do an amazing thing.  Not too long ago, the extremely popular Youtuber, Mr. Beast reached the amazing goal of 20 million subscribers.  In response to a massive post barrage suggesting that he celebrate by planting 20 million trees by 2020 to help with Climate Change, Beast did a video where he and his team plus hundreds of volunteers spent two days planting as many trees as they could.  Then Beast reached out to other Youtube content creators to help with his goal.  The response was astounding with a multitude of creators from all walks coming together for this goal.  The result was Teamtrees.org where they partnered with the Arbor Day Foundation Arbor Day to plant the 20 Million trees.  As of this writing, the massive movement has reached almost 4 million trees planted.

     So how can you help with this incredible movement?  Simple, for every dollar donated to TeamTrees, the Arbor Day Foundation will plant one tree.  If you donate $20.00, then that is 20 trees planted.  $100.00? 100 Trees!  It's as simple as that.  I am not a Youtube content creator, but we all can do our part.  Got a facebook page?  Post the https://teamtrees.org/ link!  Twitter Account?  https://teamtrees.org/  If you have any sort of social life, post the link.  Tell your friends!  Tell your family!  Tell your enemies!  Tell complete strangers!  Just tell people.  This is your chance to make the world a better place.

End of Rant

Fairness is not situational or Sauce for the Goose.

 Do wanna know what is the number one thing that really HONKS ME OFF? Pandas with machine guns! The second thing that really chaffs my bunions is hypocrisy. The world of politics is full of it (Well to be precise, the whole dang world is full of it, but that would be a much longer Tate and I really don't have either the attention span or the energy to pull that one off.) and I really am getting really annoyed by all of it. That and Unsweetened Ice Tea drinkers. Really, what freaking planet are you nutters from?

So big in the news recently is rape/sexual assault/harassment. We had Brett “I LIKE BEER” Kavanaugh making his bid for the Supremes, which to me is stupid. I mean whitest dude ever trying to join a legendary Black group? I mean that is just stup...what? Oh Supreme Court! That makes much more sense. Sorry about that. Before that we had Donald “Stable Genius” Trump being accused of improper sexual conduct. Heck, before that we had Bill “There is a Sax in my pocket” Clinton with the numerous accusations of a dozen or so women. I mean, you can't swing a Mitch McConnell without hitting someone who has been accused of sexual misconduct.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not mocking the victims of sexual assault or making light of their claims. Quite the opposite, I believe that anyone whether they be Male, Female or Eggplant should be heard and taken seriously when they claim to be the victims of a sexual attack. (As a side note, I also believe that those who are accused should be considered innocent until proven guilty and treated as fairly under the law.) What I am mocking is the rampant hypocrisy that is being shown over and over again by...well pretty much everyone.

So, the most current contender for “Most inappropriate advances made in a career” Oscar is Joe “King of the Memes” Biden. He has been accused by (at last count) 3 women for making advances that “made them feel uncomfortable.” Nothing has been proven yet and old Joe deserves the benefit of the doubt until proof is found, BUT (My gawd! What a big but!) that is not what this rant is about. (You know I have spent more time telling you what this rant isn't about than I have actually saying what it is about? And yet you are still reading? Well I assume you are still reading. For all I know, you nodded off after the first paragraph or went and got coffee. If you did, make mine extra strong with heavy cream.) As per usual, both sides are up in arms over all of it and as per usual, the hypocrisy is flying higher than Dumbo after somebody mixed his hay up with marijuana. (Cannot believe I spelled that right first try.)

So, before preceding further lets recap in what I like to call A Brief History of Hypocrisy. (All due respect to Dr. Hawking.) Bill “Getting Ahead in Office” Clinton has been accused by a bakers dozen of women of rape/Sexual Assualt/inappropriate actions. Now, none of the attacks have ever been proven, but many of the accusers stories are telling. So Conservatives have pretty much condemned the man as the most evil, lecherous demon that ever walked the Earth even though there is still no hard evidence to prove he did it. Liberals, on the other hand, have pretty much ignored the accusers and even vilified them while raising Billy Boy up on a pedestal so high the man should be dead from nose bleeds.

Fast forward to Trump's push to become POTUS. Another bakers dozen of women come forward and accuse Hair Furrer of rape/sexual assault/etc. Again, no hard evidence to prove or disprove their stories. Here the hypocrisy teeter totter miraculously flips. Conservatives who believed the Clinton Accusers whole heartedly scream, “THERE'S NO PROOF! WHY DID THEY WAIT SO LONG TO COME FORWARD? THEY ARE JUST AFTER HIS MONEY! ITS ALL A PLOT!” Meanwhile, the Liberals who cried, “(Insert previous screams here)” over Clinton's accusers were now on the “WE BELIEVE THEM/HE'S EVIL!” train.

Ok we can skip over “Beer” Brett since we covered him already and move on to Meme Joe Green. (See what I did there?) So, before continuing, I do want to point out that the accusations I have seen so far (May have missed one or two so don't yell at me) against Biden definitely fall under the “Inappropriate actions” section of this rant. His actions do not sound overtly sexual to me, just the actions of a old dude from an old time doing what old dudes did. I don't say this to excuse his actions, just to point out that he (As far as I know) did not rape anyone or even “Grab them by the posse!” (That is what Trump said, right?) However, the Hypocrisy Hour Glass of Doom has turned once again.

Liberals are saying things like “Well, that is just the way things were back then” and “He didn't mean anything by doing that” and even the tried and true “If this actually happened, why did they wait so long to report it?” Conservatives are predictably going with believing the accusers and doing everything they can to destroy Biden because he may well be one of the few serious threats to the Toupee that walks like a man getting a second term.

See, here is my thing (OMIGAWD, put that away!). You can't let your moral compass be guided by your politics. If you think that the accusers in sexual assault cases should be believed no matter what, that is okay. It is not precisely fair, but it is okay. If you believe that the accused should be believed no matter what, that is also okay. Again, not fair, but okay. At least you're consistent. However if your morals flip flops with your politics, then you are a hypocritical piece of crap and that is not okay.

Because of the “why did they wait so long/just in it for money and publicity/etc” groups on both sides, actual victims of sexual assault are often too afraid or too ashamed to come forward after an attack. When no one believes them and they are mocked and ridiculed, they feel safer just keeping quiet and living with the horror and shame some animal forced upon them. It is time we started treating possible victims fairly while still protecting the possibly innocent accused. I made a lot of wise cracks and jokes in this blog, but the actual subject is not funny or a joke. It is high time we started to give the victims the help they deserve and punish the monsters so severely that it shows we care. It is also high time, we remember the truth of “Innocent until proven guilty” and protect the accused until such time as it has been proven they are monsters. I actually let the vast majority of hypocrisy go because it would be just too exhausting to cover it all, but this hypocrisy should not be ignored because either way, some innocent person is going to be hurt.

End of Rant

Yay it's over...wait..3 weeks...WTF or Can we just move to Apocalypse Now please?

 Okie Dokie, so our Brilliant.Ultimate.Lavish.Leaders.Serving.Honorably.In.Teamwork (Most people won't get it) have reached an agreement at over a month of the impasse to reopen the Federal Government...for THREE WEEKS! Pause for a second before reading more and ponder that. 30ish days later with over 800,000 people suffering from lack of pay and the Coast Guard not being paid, the mentally challenged monkeys that supposedly run this country reached an agreement that lasts a shorter time than the freaking shut down!

No matter who you blame for the shutdown, this should honk you off. Can you grasp how ridiculous and useless our elected officials have to be to not even be able to compromise and work together enough just to keep the government running? I mean forget working together to fix our failing infrastructure, lack of decent medical care and education. Forget passing laws that might possibly benefit everyone or getting our troops home from places they should have never been. All that is (possibly) complicated and contentious which might be more than the Reboobicans and Damnocrats can handle. No, how about just working together ever how briefly to give the nation they are supposed to be running enough cash to keep going?

I dunno, maybe I am asking too much. Maybe my expectations are unreasonably high. I mean, maybe there are nuances that I just can't see. I mean it's not like there are dozens of other nations that actually manage to operate despite their political differences on the most basic level of actually keeping their governments open. I mean it's not like the US is one of, if not the only nation that regularly shuts itself down at least once a year. It's not like...wait it is like that? Huh, who knew?
Now it is easy to blame Trump for this (Mainly because a lion's share of the fault is his, but moving on.) or “those people.” It's even easier to blame individuals like Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi because they are the visible and vocal faces you see on TV. It is easy to blame the nutters on both sides for being “hardline” and “Obstructionists,” but a handful of individuals would not be enough to derail everything and let this insanity keep happening. No, the blame must lie solely on the group as a whole.

The number of actual hardliners in each party is relatively small. The majority (IMNSHO) is reasonable (Word used very loosely) individuals that could prolly find some common ground to work together at least on the simple stuff. The problem lies in that these reasonable people are too afraid to buck the others or anger their constituents out of fear of not being reelected. So they refuse to be seen “Colluding with the enemy” and generally keep their mouths shut. The few that do speak out are ridiculed or ignored.

Over the 38 years I have been voting (and yes I have voted in every election), I have seen my expectations diminish about what I expect from our “Government.” The innocent dreams of my halcyon youth of a strong, decent government working together to make everyone's lives better has pretty much eroded down to “At least keep the damned thing open and running.” Despite my cynical, snarky and abusive appearance (The scientific term is CSA syndrome), I really do believe that most people are decent, moderately intelligent and caring individuals (For the record, I also believe in Santa, the Easter Beagle and the Tooth Fairy who still owes me $5.00 for that last tooth.) and that we could all work together for the common good. However, how can we even begin to hope to work together when our most visible representatives spend more time flinging (metaphorical usually) feces at each other than actually doing their jobs?

As stated many times in the past, I don't like Republicans or Democrats and I am leery of Libertarians simply because Rand Paul's hair is just too perfect. (I suspect he is an android or maybe a Space Lizard in a human suit.) I think “Liberals” and “Conservatives are too blinded by their own political dogma to actually agree on anything. I think, in its current condition, our government is destined to collapse completely unless all of our “leaders” can stop being morons and get their crap together. Hopefully, this will happen or things are only going to get worse.

End of Rant

GIANT METEORITE IN 2020!

We'll be back! or Are You Syrias?

So the current uproar is over the proposed removal of US troops from Syria and perhaps Afghanistan too. Both sides are all a tither about it and the Liarberterians are all "WAHOO!!! GOOD START!" Whereas I personally lean towards that attitude myself, I am greatly amused by all the hullabaloo over it? Why, do you ask? (Doesn't matter if you actually asked because I am gonna tell you anyway. I am kind of mean that way.) Simple, because even if we pull out every single trooper/trooperette from everywhere in the ME, it won't last.

Anyone who actually believes that we have massive amounts of troops and materials stationed in Sand Central Station (see what I did there?) out of some sense of helping keep peace in the globe (Or disk depending on your personal beliefs) or out of some grand fear that these small nations (Seriously, most of the ME could fit inside of Texas and still have room left over for England.) might someday overwhelm us with their massive forces prolly owns at least one bridge in either Brooklyn or California. We have continuously invaded, bombed, shot and hockey pucked the ME for as long as we have for one reason, resources.

Whether its oil or rare metals or Wodan knows what else, we have been “intervening” in the Middle East for a very long time. We have installed more puppets than Jim Henson and could finance Universal Health care for...well the Universe with all of the money we have spent on these wasted wars. We have invaded, “liberated” and pulled out over and over again but after occasional and very brief periods, we just rushed back in and did it all over again. Really doesn't matter who has been in charge or which party was running things, somehow we always find an excuse to go back. I mean, look at Obama. He was hailed as a peaceful man and promised to get us out of the ME conflicts, but he continued and increased old W's drone strike program and kept troops on the ground.

The problem the “Get our troops out of there” groups are facing is simple. The ME has something we want and even if we don't need that something right now, we MIGHT need it in sometime in the future, so our troops WILL be going back prolly sooner than later in the latest Enduring Liberating Free Somethingornother. (ELFS in military lingo.) So IF Trump does pull troops out and bring them home, enjoy the respite, but don't really count on it lasting longer than a Big Mac on his desk.

Child Prostitution by any other name...or Sauce for gooses

So I have seen no less than 5 of my "friends" here posting pieces about an 11 or 12-year-old Drag Queen who "stripped for pedophiles at a Gay club for money." (Taken verbatim from one of the "news stories" posted.) The wording of the best of the pieces was so ridiculously biased that it hurt my headparts just to read it and the worst offender (which the quote is taken from) was about as anti-LGBT as you can get.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a little disturbed by a child performing burlesque in front of adults, but you folks are just frothing at the mouth disturbed. But, believe it or not, your posting of inaccurate and in two cases outright lies (Chaz Carsten, you don't count. Your history of trying to honk people off and make the yell precedes you.) is not why I am writing this little missive. No dear reader, I am writing this because of the SHEER HYPOCRISY of some of you.

The lady who posted the article that the quote is from is my perfect example. If you go to her page and scroll far enough, you will find lots and lots of posts featuring clips from such shows as "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Dance Moms" where "loving parents" essentially prostitute out their underage children in hopes of fame and fortune. If you check YouTube, you can find loads of videoes showing little girls ranging from ages 4 to 12 parading around in brief outfits and acting in a very sexualized way towards judges and cameras. Hells the one of the 6-year-old dressed up as Madonna "singing" Like a Virgin made ME blush.

The hypocrisy in this is mind-blowing. Not only is this sort of child prostitution accepted as normal, but it is actually encouraged. So if you are okay with a 6-year-old little girl prancing around the stage in a tiny two-piece bumping and grinding for the judges but you are offended when an 11-year-old does the same thing for other adults, then congratulations, you are a hypocrite. Now eagerly await all of the people trying to explain how its "different" and how I am "wrong."

End of Rant

Us against Them only benefits Those people or This blog will prolly bomb.

Whenever a crime or atrocity occurs, the knee-jerk reaction of all sides is almost always to blame everyone who fits into the same group as the person committing the crime. A madman who also happens to be a Liberal walks into a school and kills kids and immediately Conservatives scream about how evil all Liberals are. A Nutjob who happens to be a Conservative shoots up a Planned Parenthood or attacks a pizza place and POOF Liberals are all over how bad Conservatives are. Any time someone does something bad, people will do this. It is like there is this almost pathological mindset that forces these people into blaming the whole for the actions of the one. Conversely though, when one of their own does the same thing, they immediately state that all of them aren't like that.

See, here is the thing. (No I won't put it away. It's my thing and I can wave it around if I want to. See? WAVE! WAVE!) As a general rule (There are a few exceptions historically speaking) “People” don't commit crimes. All of the Liberals in the country didn't snatch up a gun and walk into the school to shoot people. All of the Conservatives didn't try to shoot up a pizza joint because they believed it was the headquarters of a Pedophile ring. In the majority of these cases, it was a person with a tenuous grip on reality who committed these crimes and THEY are the only ones who should be blamed for them.

Take the most recent instance of this sort of thing. Bombs are being mailed to various Democratic/Liberal figures. So far none of them have done any harm but at least a half dozen have been found so far. Immediately, both sides are pointing fingers at the other and saying it is some sort of conspiracy to make the opposing side look bad. Damnocrats are saying this is a deliberate attack by the Cantservatives to try and frighten them before the elections. Cantservatives are saying this is a conspiracy by Damnocrats to make them look bad and sway people away before the election.

Now I have no idea which side is right. This might well be an attempt to make the Republican party look bad to hurt them during the election. It might also be an attempt to scare off Democratic voters and supporters for the same reason. Heck, it might just be Bomb Season and no one mentioned it. The only thing I am moderately certain of is that if and when the actual identities of the bomber/s comes out, they won't be part of some grand, nationwide conspiracy funded by George Soros or the Penis brothers. (I am sorry but ever since I heard how their name is pronounced, I have neither been able to type or say it with a straight face. Of course, I still giggle when someone pronounces Uranus.) If the truth comes out, I bet all of Ben Baker's best jerky and any donuts that John McDuffie has that he/she/it are more than a little disturbed with few friends and possibly living in their parent's basement. (Unless they are actually from Florida as some reports are suggesting. Not a lot of basements down there.)

What we need to do is stop blaming the Whole for the actions of the few and start focusing on the people actually committing these crimes. The fact that a school shooter might have been a Liberal Democrat is just one small factor into why they commit the crime. The fact that some old White dude that shot up Planned Parenthood happened to be a Conservative Republican is much less important than exactly what mental illness drove him to do it. Once we stop trying to blame everyone we dislike for the actions of individuals, we might just make progress into being a better nation.

End of Rant

Crunch time, People or "It's the End of the World and We know it."

So I have really been losing pretty much all hope for this country for well over a decade. Illegal wars disguised as righteous fury in multiple countries ground down my hopes. Terrorism in the form of drone strikes and bombs that killed 1000s of innocent civilians dashed my dreams on the rocks of reality. Blatant and poorly disguised racism and hatred suddenly becoming the norm set fire to the bloody corpse. Nothing I saw really gave me much hope for the future of America. I have pretty much reached the point where I am ready for it all to go to Hell, burn down so maybe it can be rebuilt again with fewer mistakes. I have pretty much decided that this mid term election will be the tipping point where I either reserve some blind and foolish hope that people actually care or just say EFF it and break out the marshmallows.

“Why this mid term election,” my earnest reader may ask (HI STAN!)? Why no the upcoming 2020 election? The answer is simple. See right now EVERYONE is pissed off. The Right is pissed off at the Left, The Left is pissed off at the Right. Moderates are pissed off at everyone. Damnocrats are screaming, “IF WE DON'T RETAKE THE HOUSE AND SENATE, WE'RE ALL DOOMED!” Reboobicans are screaming, “IF THE DAMNOCRATS RETAKE THE HOUSE AND SENATE, WE ARE ALL DOOMED!” Moderates are...well Moderates are worried if someone doesn't refill their coffee they are doomed. The important thing to take from this is that both sides are absolutely convinced that if “The Good Guys” don't get up off their asses and vote in November, then “The Bad Guys” will gain/keep absolute power and totally destroy the country.

So if EVERYONE on both sides is convinced and riled up about their precious MERRICA! Being destroyed by “those people,” then come that happy day in November everyone in the US capable of voting (Don't worry the dead folks have people voting for them.) should get up off their plastic covered couches and take the hour or so needed to cast their votes. I mean, if y'all are really convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that this might well be the end of “your” way of life, it only makes sense that (Loving America the way you do) you'd do your civic duty (Heh I said civic) and try to stop it from happening.

When the Great Orange Dope got elected, Damnocrats spent months screaming that he would destroy America and that he had to be stopped. Reboobicans spent months screaming that he was the only hope America had. (I spent months screaming for fresh jerky, but that is another story.) Still, when election day came, voter turn out was truly abysmal. Admittedly there was a moderately higher turnout in the Angry and Unreasonable Old White People bracket (AUOWP for short), but for the most part what should have been a monumental turnout was more like the turnout for Donnie Dumpsterfire's Inauguration Day. (Sorry couldn't resist.) People proved that, despite all of the rage and screaming, they really just didn't give a fugg.

So now, we have had twoish years of Hair Furrer and his cronies being in charge. Some people think he is destroying the country and dragging us all down with him. Others think that he is the second coming of Anita Bryant (What? She REALLY liked Orange stuff!) and will save the world. We have had two years of both sides stoking the fires of hate and volumes of unreasoning diatribe preaching doomsday if THEY aren't defeated in the Mid Terms. If you believe Social Media and other sources, the whole country is riled up and ready to do something. (Cannot believe I just said “believe Social Media” with a straight face. Meh, blame the drugs.)

So if it is true that the Dims and the Boobs are both honked off and ready to do something, then that means the voter turnout this November should be truly EPIC. It means that we won't see voter participation levels since Tennessee voted to make Whiskey the national bird. If all of y'all are truly worried about the fate of the nation, then that means we should see 60%, 70% or even 80% voter participation and mean on all sides Damnocrat, Reboobican, Liarbertarian, Mooderate, Martian. If, however, all I see are the same pathetic numbers we have seen in the past, then it will tell me all I need to know and will pretty much drain the life out of any real hope I have for America.

It is simple. No matter what your political beliefs are, vote. No matter what direction you think the country should be headed, vote. Even if you don't like the candidates, vote. (Write in your own, vote for the Green Party, make some name up, hell vote for Mickey Mouse) Voting is both a right and a privilege that a lot of good people laid down their lives for you to have. It is your (albeit limited) chance to have some say in just how the government is going to screw you over and whether or not they will use lotion when they do it. Prove to me that the outrage is real and not something for show. I will vote this November just like I have voted in every Local, State and National election that has happened ever since I turned 18.   

If you ain't voting, then stop whining or Wow people are still paying me for doing this.

Before I begin this little rant, let me give you some brief history about myself. I am an author with 4 books to my credit. I am also a wee bit of an asshole. (Seriously, if the name of the blog didn't tell you that then reading that sentence prolly didn't help.) I am a Moderate Independent when it comes to politics with admittedly Liberal tendencies. (Dungeons and Dragons reference, get your grandparents to explain it to you.) I have been writing professionally since I was 16 years old. My first paid piece was a short OP-ED piece in the GRIT (Yes it was an actual thing.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grit_(newspaper)) entitled “If you don't vote don't complain.” It earned me the grand total of $35.00 which was a hefty amount to a 16 year old kid in Rural Alabama. Finding out that people would actually pay me for the weird thoughts that rampaged through my headparts pretty much sealed my fate and I have been writing ever since. Anyways, enough history. Onward and Downwards!

So I am seeing a whole lot of “VOTE RED!” and “VOTE BLUE!” and “VOTE THOSE LOSERS OUT!” More so than any other time that I can remember. (Keep in mind, I am currently on narcotics so my long term memory is kind of shot.) Everyone and their aardvark are screaming at the top of their lungs for THIER side to get out and kick the other side out of the government. Each side is doing their best to make the other side seem like the second coming of Lucifer D. Devil and their own side to be one step away from God. The general cry is “If THEY are allowed to Keep/Seize power then we are all DOOMED!”

Like I mentioned earlier, I am a Moderate and an Independent. In the past I have voted both Republican and Democrat for local, state and national elections. I tend to focus on which candidates are right for the job not which party they belong to. The best thing about this is that it pretty much gives me free reign to smack down both sides whenever I feel like it which I often do. Readers of my blog and followers on Twitter have seen me rage against Damnocrats and Reboobicans over and over. So as a Moderate Independent Uncommon Tater, let me say this. Forget “Vote Blue!” Forget “Vote Red!” Just get EFF out there and freaking VOTE!

Here is my thoughtifying on that rather loud sentence. I am kind of easy and prolly a little bit gullible so I believe that no matter what happens that everything will work out in the end. Sure, things may suck for awhile. Sure we may need to rebuild afterwards, but no matter who is in charge we will survive. So, having said that, GET OUT THERE AND VOTE! Vote Damnocrat, vote Reboobican, Vote Liarberterain! (Still working on a good insult for that one. Any ideas? Suggestions?) Vote Red! Vote Blue! Vote Plaid! Vote Rainbow! Just get the EFF out of your chairs and vote!

We are a Democracy (Ok yeah technically we aren't, but moving on...) which means ideally that the governments we elect are representative of the wishes of the people. If the “People” want to elect a Trans-Species One eyed one horned flying purple people eater (You have heard that song, right? If no, SHAME!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx47qrH1GRs) I am a pretty easy going dude so I will survive no matter what. (Being straight White and Christian doesn't hurt my chances either.) I am okay with a Conservative Government or a Liberal one or a combination thereof as long as it is voted in by a majority of Americans because (at least in theory) if say 89% of all eligible Americans vote, then the type of government you get is the one that almost everyone approves of.

Come November and come 2020, get out and vote. Vote for whomever you feel will be least likely to EFF us over. (Come on, they're politicians, no one can really expect them to actually represent us.) I am sick and tired of everyone whining and kvetching about how bad our government is or how evil the party running it is because the majority of y'all don't even bother to get up off your lazy butts and vote. Like my long ago first paid piece said, “If you don't vote. Don't complain.”

Tating while impaired or Gee golly, those pink lizards in tap shoes are so CUTE!

So before I start this little tate, I feel I should fill in all of my readers who don't follow me on Facebook. (If you don't actually follow me then SHAME ON YOU!!!!) If I don't, what follows will prolly make even less sense than most of my blogs.

So yesterday morning, I was awakened from my slumber by a twenty foot tall lumberjack pounding the left side of my face with a fifty pound sledgehammer. (Don't ask why a Lumberjack was using a hammer instead of an ax, you'll just confuse me.) Like any true red blooded macho American male, I cried like a little baby and called my wife for help. Somehow, even though she was literally in another state (Wait, does DC count as another state? That one always confused me.) she manages, at 0800 hours, to find me a dentist that will see me immediately AND even manages to arrange payment over the phone since I had no funds.

When I get to the dentist (Ever tried riding a motorcycle with a blinding toothache? It is not nearly as much fun as it sounds.) they check me out and determine that I have a MASSIVE infection in one of my teeth and it had spread to two other teeth that had shattered long long ago when they first came in. (Both were wisdom teeth btw. More on that in a second.) So these wonderful people (They are now our new dentists because they are so awesome!), arrange for me to see an oral surgeon immediately (Keep in mind it is still like 0830 hours). Thanks to my amazing wife and Mother in law, we manage to find the funds to pay for the surgery and less than half an hour later and more local anesthetic (I actually spelled that word right the first time. I am shocked.) than most people see in a lifetime, the full tooth and two shattered wisdom teeth were gone.

(Okay as promised, a quick aside. When my wisdom teeth came in, two came in perfectly with no need to see a dentist like many people suffer through. The other two, one of the left top and one on the left bottom) came in hollow for some reason and shattered immediately afterwards. This was when I was like 19 or 20. The shattered remnants never gave me any trouble so I never even thought about them much after that. That is until they became ravaged by a nasty infection. Boy did I notice them then. Anyho moving on.)

Now that we have established prezactly why I am running around the house looped on very strong narcotics. (The surgeon prescribed both a narcotic painkiller and the usual 800mg Motrin with Codeine because he cheerfully informed me that because two of the removed teeth were wisdom teeth the pain I would be feeling the first week would be more than the 800mg Motrin could handle. Day 2 and I can assure you that he was RIGHT!) As a little bit more background to myself and addictive substances, let me also tell you that I have never been the least bit attracted to mind altering substances. My only real experience with such stuff was my senior year in high school when I decided that I should get drunk at least once, just to see what the fuss was about. I got knee walking, commode hugging blind as a blind bat drunk on graduation night and woke up two days later. My friends informed me that I had attempted to swim the Conecuh River...lengthwise. I decided on that day that I did enough truly and monumentally stupid stuff (If you ask nicely, I'll do a blog with a listing of the top ten.) when I was sober and unimpaired so if I wanted to live a nice long life, I should avoid intoxication.

Okay enough background filler crap, on to the actual blog!

Ok so day two of some serious narcotic painkiller after having three infected teeth remove or SSNPKAHTITR for short. (Doesn't it just roll of the tongue?) First observation I have is simply a reinforcement of my lack of understanding of why being stoned or drunk is such an attraction to some people. Whereas I am mostly lucid, I can tell how impaired I am when I walk, talk and especially type. It takes much longer than usual for lucid thoughts to form and even longer for me to expresss them. (My friends and family may now make any appropriate or inappropriate jibes they want about me and lucidity.) I just fail to see how this sort of existence could be an attraction to anyone. Of course, while my life has been hard more often then not, I have suffered few real traumas (Besides seeing Ben nekkid that is. SHUDDER) so it may be just that I have much less to escape from.

Observation the second is more of a technical nature. Anyone who has known me for more than say 30 seconds will tell you that I am not exactly the most graceful of creatures. I am the guy who can and has tripped over someone else's shadow...from a mile away. If I had a dollar for everytime I have fallen down the stairs, I'd could afford Starbucks. The only thing that I can do fairly well and quickly is type. So imagine a schmuck who has zero balance and zero dexterity suddenly trying to go through life with a drug that completely EFFS with your body. Coming down the stairs suddenly goes from a slow process because of bad knees to a “Ok, the stairs are currently rotating clockwise at a speed of 5mph and the house is rotating counterclockwise at a speed of 9.5 km, so my upper body should lean left and my lower body should lean right for the first five steps, then reverse for the next ten process. (Spoiler, I survived coming down the stairs this morning.) Don't even ask about getting from the bottom of the stairs to my office.)

So really all this experience has done is reinforce my dislike of mind altering substances and my extreme love of my wonderful wife. I make no disparaging remarks about people who enjoy their MAS (Waves at Ben Baker) and certainly mean no ill words against anyone who is suffering from addictions to said MAS. Who knows, since I will be on the narcotics for three more days, I may come to see the attraction, but I doubt it. Still, I will continue to blog about the Tales of a Stoned Tater as I see fit and hopefully y'all will be entertained. Till tomorrow, PEACE OUT!

SNACK TIME or This rant is not about what you may think it is about.

 So let me tell you some of the things that I enjoy eating. I love hot dogs, sausages, hamburgers, steaks, chicken, turkey, fish of all kinds and various other seafoods. Most of you nodded for a few of those and some of you nodded for most if not all of them. Now let me tell you some of the foods I enjoy that you will probably NOT nod so much for. Hog jowls, pigs ears, pigs feet, chitlins (Yeah I know they are actually called Chitterlings, but nobody called them that when I was growing up and I grew up pretty much in Chitlins central.), Possum, Squirrel, snake, and Armadillo. There are more, but those are the ones you've at least had a chance of knowing. Now while I enjoy the mental image of a lot of you looking queasy and thinking about losing your lunch, I can also hear the desperate question of “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EAT THAT CRAP?” Whelp, the answer is both simple and mildly complicated.

Yessee, my family was so poor when I was born, church mice took up collections for us. The first house I remember living in had no running water and no electricity. Our “toilet” was a three-hole outhouse about 200 feet from the back door and our “Faucet” was a well about a hundred feet away on the opposite side of the house. Heating was accomplished by a very large fireplace in the front room of the three-room house and cooling was done by opening up the five or six windows. Even though we had a garden and Daddy worked on Mr. Lawrence's farm, food was never plentiful and the meat was especially scarce. Unless you fished, hunted or raised it yourself, you didn't have access to a lot of meat sources.

So I grew up (Well age 5ish to say 13ish) where you ate whatever the good lord or Daddy's gun provided and you didn't waste anything that was edible. If Daddy brought back a couple of possums or groundhogs, Momma skinned them, cleaned them and cooked them up for supper. If we got lucky and had a pig to slaughter, pretty much every danged part of that animal was used. Heck Momma even boiled the bones done for broth.

About the time I hit 14, Daddy got a job with the County Road Crew and actually owned and operated a small general store for a few years. (Well Momma actually ran it since he worked from 6am till about 5:30 pm 5 days a week.) So about this time, we moved to a house that actually had indoor plumbing and electricity and was able to make regular trips to the grocery store in Luverne, Alabama. A lot of the more esoteric forms of meat slowly vanished from our diet except for the rare squirrel or possum that Daddy or my brother would bring in if they went hunting on the weekends. While we were still poor, we were no longer so desperately poor that we had to eat literally anything we could get our hands on.

Ok, so that deals with why I started eating things that most people would rather starve than eat. No, I hear you, the possibly non-existent reader asking, “Why the hell are you STILL eating those nasty things?” I haven't been even remotely poor or desperate in well over half the 55 years of my life so why eat things like Jowls, Feet, and Chitterlings? (There I spelled it right, are you happy?) A wonderful lady once told me, “We ain't poor no more. We don't have to eat things like that anymore” and she is right. I don't HAVE to eat it anymore. I want to. I enjoy it. I think they are yummy.

A lot of what I hear from naysayers is a kind of negative association. They associate these foods with being poor and ridiculed. They associate it with the helpless, almost overwhelming desperation that is an almost daily part of being truly poor. They feel like if people have managed to elevate themselves out of that deep dark pit, then they should never lower themselves to eating the “trash” foods that helped sustain them.

I do understand that mentality. Growing up dirt poor can be a horribly demeaning time. Everyone, even those only marginally above you in social rank, look down on you. They see the one suit of clothes you have for school or the fact your shoes are hand me downs from your brother and need a balled up sock in the toe to stay on. Everything about you is a target for derision and hate. So why, when you finally manage to escape that, do you do anything to remind people of what you once were?

Well, in the case of the aforementioned foods, the answer is very simple. THEY TASTE FREAKING GREAT! Well, IMNSHO anyways. I like the way they taste. Sure, they are not healthy. Sure (especially up North) they can be hard to get. Yeah, people definitely look at you crazy when you are chowing down on a pickled pig's foot (feet? Foots?), but if it tastes good why give a flick what other people think? As for the not healthy part, I can promise you that a heck of a lot of you eat things that are truly unhealthy for you, but you eat/drink them anyway because you like them. Hells some of the concoctions I see whipped up at Starbucks makes hog jowls seem downright Vegan.

Let's put this in another light. Say you have spent most of your life as a solid Middle-Class family. You have enjoyed snacking on hot dogs, hamburgers and all of the staples of MC life. Suddenly, magical fairy dust is sprinkled and you are now an Upper-Class family with a nice house in the Hamptons and more money than Midas. Keeping in mind that you LOVE all of those foods from your MC life, are you suddenly going to stop eating them. Is your diet going to consist of only the finest steaks, the bestest lobsters? Are you going to stop eating the things you have loved for decades just because people are going to look at you funny?

(As a side note here, I would like to say that there is indeed a sizable slice of people who would indeed stop doing/eating all the things they love because suddenly people would condemn them and mock them, but that is the subject of another rant. Moving on...)

There are many foods from the early days that I no longer eat with turnips and collards being numbers one and two on the list. However, I no longer eat them because I despise them. There was many a moon where the only thing sitting on the kitchen table to eat were turnips and collard greens. You ate them because you didn't want to go hungry, but years and years of eating them over and over again has left me unable to even think about eating them. Hells, I am not even sure I could stomach eating that if my life literally depended on it.

However, I enjoy eating a lot of different things that I don't HAVE to eat anymore. I don't care what people think. I don't care what they say. I will continue to eat jowls, feet (foots?), chitterlings and yes even possum if I ever get a chance. My concern over your disapproval ranks right up there with my deep seated worry over meteorite strikes. Unlike when I lived pretty much at the bottom of the poverty ladder, I have to freedom to eat anything I want AND I refuse to let the views and attitudes of others tell me what I CANNOT do.

End of Rant   

Just the facts, Ma'am or "Do you kiss your Mama with that mouth?"

I'm not an Expert on....well pretty much anything. I have a whole bunch of random, mostly unimportant and trivial information stored away in the dusty processor that I call my brain. Even before the advent of the Interwebz, I would always try and find some evidence, no matter how slim of the truth of what I was saying because I was rarely 100% sure that I was right.
So, last night I was in a fairly reasonable and mostly polite comment chain about "That." (What that is is unimportant and would take too long to explain here, just accept "that" and move on, people.) I happen to know quite a bit about "That" due to my profession of choice and very politely corrected someone when they made an inaccurate claim about "That" and that is where all politeness and civility went right down the crapper.
The woman I corrected immediately called me a liar and said that she KNEW that I was wrong and that she was right. So, given the fact that I am not an Expert, I went to the Interwebz and visited the sites of actual experts...you know the ones who get paid for it...and supplied her with multiple links to both .gov and business websites. She called me a liar again and another person on the chain chipped in and said those weren't real sources.
So I, being in a somewhat reasonable mood, politely asked these two marvelous ladies to supply me with "proof" from "real sources." The second lady continued to call me names (Just as a matter of note, unless your biology is radically different than mine, it is pretty unreasonable to expect me to fit my laptop in THERE especially unfolded.) and the first lady spent five more posts accusing me of posting "fake news" before she posted her Coo Dee Grassy in the form of a blog written by a visual arts student in Idaho of all places. (Needless to say, the subject we were discussing had absolutely nothing to do with art, visual or otherwise.
Now, folks and folkettes, I can grasp if someone questions my sources. Hells, most days I question them (also my sanity but that is another story entirely) and I welcome anyone posting a rebuttal to anything I post/say/claim/mambo. However, and this may be hard for some people to understand, posting a blog from someone who is not even connected to the subject at hand is not "Proof." It does not automatically invalidate your argument but it doesn't prove you right. However, this lady proudly posted that blog and laid it down like it was the word of God handed down from on high. She then called me several more colorful names (Pretty sure rats don't have the physical capacity for that AND it sounds nasty). I shrugged mentally and moved on. A few hours later, I checked back because I got the usual "X has responded to your comment" and found that all of her comments and insults had been removed and that the site had posted a "Please review our guidelines when it comes to appropriate posts and language." The other lady commentator accused me of getting the first one banned because she had proven me wrong. I politely suggested that she got banned because of her unfortunate though colorful choices of wordage. There have been no further responses.
I don't care of you disagree with me. I don't care if you insult me. If the insults are particularly creative I may even compliment you. If they are actually ones that I have never heard before, I will gleefully steel them. I really don't even care if what you are saying is true or if you can prove it. I do care when I post at least somewhat viable evidence of what I am saying and you post pure B.S. Winning a battle of wits with me isn't that hard. Most people who know me will tell you that I wander through life mostly unarmed for such combat. However, your B.S. does not trump my possible facts and your insults definitely do not win the argument.

End of Rant.

You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean or WTF?!!!!

     So all of the country and even parts of the world are arguing and yelling about the current bid for Supreme Court Justice.  Allegations of rape and sexual assault have appeared and both sides are in full damage control mode.  The Left is in full support of the accuser and defending everything she says while mocking the accused.  The Right is cheering on the accused while making the accuser out to be nothing but a lying paid shill of Georgie Soros and the Democrats.  The extremists on either side (which in all honesty is the only ones the press is giving face time to) have already judged the other side and condemned them as EVIL.  Honestly, IMNSHO, actual hard evidence could come forward tomorrow (Tape of Kavanaugh actually doing what he was accused of/Recording of Soros and Ford having tea and cackling maniacally at their evil plan) and the opposing side would refuse to believe it.  Don't believe me?  Think Republicans and Birth Certificate.
     However, this little rant isn't about that or even directly against the He did it/She did it thing going on right now.  This rant is aimed at some of the people who point out exactly why we have a Rape Culture in the US today and why victims of sexual assault both male and female will often wait for long periods of time before reporting it.  So the following clips are from the FaceBook page of one of my "friends."  (Honestly, I am not really sure when we became friends or how.)  She (note the feminine pronoun) is a Conservative and avid Trump supporter, but for the most part, has always seemed fairly reasonable.  However earlier this week, I saw a post on her page talking about the current SCOTUS debacle and it showed me exactly what the fugg is wrong with America today.  The following are direct quotes.  I removed the names, but the words are all theirs.  

"All of the allegations sicken me, it was rape, it was a touch, all of us women have touched and even groped a 100+ times in our lives, it's not something to report and fill the courts with simple human behavior"

"A victim is someone that's actually been subjected to unlawful sexual advances, not someone who has been groped."

     The first thing to keep in mind that both people posting are women.  (Well I have never met them in person, but I am making a wild guess based off of names and profile pics.)  So you have the first woman explaining how being groped or touched without permission is "simple human behavior" and how it is not something to report.  The second comes right out and states that someone groping them is not "unlawful sexual advances."  So lets focus on those two ideas for a second.
     So, I am in my fifties (None of your business how old I actually am) and have been acutely aware of women and how much I appreciate them since I was about 9.  In all of that time, I can state with 100% certainty that I have not groped anyone without their express permission.  As a guy with lots of guy friends I can also state that the overwhelming majority of them have never groped an unwilling woman (Or man for that matter).  So, despite what the first woman says and what a whole lot of Right Wingnuts seem to think, I'd say the majority of men really don't go around groping unwilling women.  So no, groping IE sexual assault is not "simple human behavior."
     To me, the response is even more disturbing and seems to be shared by a whole lot of people.  I am gonna keep this short and simple since I know a lot of you have short attention spans.  If someone is being groped against their will or fondled or rubbed up against without consent, They ARE being subjected to "Unlawful Sexual Advances."  It is really that simple.  If I have to explain it any further than that to you, then you are probably to stupid to grasp it anyway.
     Everywhere I look, I see Conservatives trying to explain away sexual assault.  I hear, "Well boys will be boys" and "it is just something you have to expect."  I see people trying to claim the woman brings it on herself by the way she acts or dresses.  Even when men are actually convicted and proven guilty of heinous sexual crimes like Brock Turner, you'll see people defending him and spreading lies about the actual victim.  I even had one "friend" say, "Women shouldn't even be allowed to accuse men of sexual assault without having concrete proof.  If they only have their word, they need to keep quiet."  Reread that sentence and think about it.
     Unlike so many people tating on this whole Kavanaugh debacle, I have actually made no judgments one way or the other.  I have given him the benefit of the doubt with a presumption of innocence until proven otherwise, but I have also listened to her with an open mind.  Unfortunately, with the circus in DC, I know that any investigation into his guilt or innocence is a joke.  I also know that Republicans will probably move forward with his confirmation even it was revealed that he sexually assaulted the Virgin Mary AND was the second shooter on the grassy knoll.  Kavanaugh may be well and truly innocent of the charged levied against him, but Trump and his Trumpettes will actually make sure that we may actually never know.  

End of Rant.

And I play my TRUMP card or Just WTF were y'all thinking?

Okie dokie, as promised in the previous blog I present to you my blog on why Donald Trump, ie the Toupee that walks like a man has done more to shake people up and make even the most secure OWD (Old White Dude/Dudette) shake in their mud stained work boots. Now before I go any further, I feel I should inform those of you who have been living in a cave or under a rock for the past few years that I am not really very fond of Donnie Dumpsterfire. One might even say, that I totally loathe the man and feel that his joke of a presidency has made the US a laughingstock and has done so much damage that it will take decades to repair it all. I feel that the whole world would be better off if we locked him up in Trump Towers China and bricked in the entire building. He is one the lowest form of disgusting, perverted life on the planet, second only perhaps to Bill Clinton or maybe that weird guy down the street that collects butterflies and wears speedos. That disclaimer out of the way, let us move forward with happy, uplifting thoughts.

Now, to me, Trump is a mental conundrum. On the surface, he would seem to be the perfect icon of the Republican party. He's old, semi-white (orangish) and wealthier than Midas before the whole golden touch thing went sour. Like a huge majority of the Republican leaders and Heartthrobs (Gingrich, Limbaugh, Jones etc) he has commited multiple counts of adultery and has actually managed to cheat on every single one of his wives with the replacement wife at least once. (If you believe his bragging in his books, it's a WHOLE LOT MORE, but we can leave that at bragging and go with the confirmed ones.) He is obnoxious, Anti-LGBT and like most Republicans, he pretends to be a good Christian. So, why you may ask (and don't worry if you didn't ask because I asked for you.) isn't he the beloved poster child of the GOP?

Wait, you the possibly fictitious reader might ask again! Didn't he run on the Republican ticket? Wasn't he elected the Republican President of the US? Doesn't he have a lot of supporters who are Republican? To which I would reply with a sad shaking of my head at the lack of understanding of these invisible speakers (I take meds, I promise!) that whereas Trump does have a fairly decent level of support, especially among the “common man,” he also has a YUGE level of opposition among the higher ranking and more powerful Republicans. Powerhouses like the Koch brothers (or as I like to call them, the Penis Brothers because of how their name sounds and the fact they are real Dic...errheads.) and other wealthy powerful GOP members directly oppose him and even though his Party controls all aspects of the government, many of his own party members either directly or indirectly oppose him. So why oh why does this seemingly perfect specimen of the Decrepit Old Party scare the crap out of the?

Well, the answer is kind of simple. Despite what both the DNC and the GOP would have you believe, both sides depend on keeping the status quo as...ermm Statusy as possible. Both sides preach that the other side is evil and that only THIER ways and beliefs can possibly save the US from the evils of whatever the other side is preaching. Both sides make all sorts of wonderful noises to attract the shy and timid voters into the voting booths, but when all is said and done, neither side really wants anything to change. Because if it changed, they'd pretty much be out of jobs and possibly homeless washing windshields on the streets to pay for their divorces. Whatever numerous faults Trump has and God knows they are more numerous than grains of sand on the beach, he has done a lot to shake up that centuries old pattern.

How, you may ask? Simple, I might reply. Donald Trump is a brash, obnoxious asshole who has no pause button between what his brain thinks and what comes out of his mouth. He speaks like a 5^th grade dropout from Brooklyn walking the streets like a punk. Diplomacy is a word as foreign to him as good hairpieces and his lies are worse than the toddler telling you he didn't eat the cookies while holding a cookie in each hand and with chocolate smeared all over his face. The most common compliment I hear about Trump is “He tells it like it is.” I can agree with that statement to some degree if telling it like it is means “Lying badly in public and then lying even more badly later on to cover it up.”

Trump is pretty much the exact opposite of what a “politician” should be and it not only upsets the proverbial apple cart, but mugs the apple cart, steals all of the apples, makes pies from the apples and sells the pies back to the guy who owned the cart. He regularly gives the rank and file of both sides major headaches because he simply cannot be directed or controlled. In the world of political firearms, Trump is a blunderbuss. You can't really aim it so all you can do is point it in a very general direction and pray it doesn't explode on you before hitting your target. Good or bad, right or wrong, cake or cookie, this is why Trump has pretty much wrecked the GOP and driven the DNC nuts.

An online friend said after my last blog (Waves at John McDuffie) that the only way things would get better is if we manage to elect a legit OWD (Old White Dude) in 2020. He imagines that only a return to the status quo of the past will fix things. I personally feel we need the exact opposite. Electing a Black Dude shook things up. Electing a Black Dude again really shook things up. Electing a OWD that doesn't follow the OWD rules kept things shaking. That is why I feel like we should really shake things up in 2020. So I am seeking a Openly Transsexual Lesbian Asian Muslim Polygamist to run for the Utilitarian Party in 2020. Lets make America weird again!