Oh, oh, oh...my Corona or Zamboni Alpacalips: Day One

Before I start this rant, let me state that it is difficult for me to make my usual jokes and snipes. I have been battling Diabetes for over 10 years and suffer from a severely compromised immune system. Seeing the sheer stupidity of our so-called leaders in Washington and various idiots around the nation honestly pisses me off. I hear the lies and sheer idiocy coming out of Trump's mouth, and I get angry. I see morons refusing to heed the shelter in place orders and holding massive gatherings, and I get mad. I see the number of infected growing every day and I genuinely get worried. Despite all of this, I see a lot of people doing everything they can on You-tube and other social platforms to encourage and entertain everyone. I see famous people going above and beyond the call of duty to help as much as they can. So, I am inspired. Okay, enough of all the touchy-feely emotional crap, on with the rant!

Oh, oh oh...my Corona

or

Zamboni Alpacalips: Day One

     I sit here in my cardboard reinforced bunker hidden somewhere in the wilds of unexplored Washington, DC, and ponder how much longer we have before civilization is completely destroyed. I glace worryingly at my 20 Assault Can openers with the mere 2000 cans of ammo and wonder how I will defend myself once the starving hordes discover my location. I count the two cargo trailers filled with toilet paper to try and calculate how long I have before I have to scrounge for moss and soft leaves. I fear for the day when the 22 pallets of Dark Roast coffee I have hidden away runs out, and I am forced to live without caffeine.
     I grew up in the woods, you see. My Daddy, my Momma, the dogs, and me. (All nods to Hank Jr.) I survived that last major apocalypse this nation suffered. Yes, I am speaking of the 70s and Disco. So, this ain't my first rodeo when it comes to the End of the World. However, this is the first disaster where large numbers of people are doing everything they can to make everything worse. People in positions of power are encouraging crowds to gather. Others are spreading the lie that this disaster is all some sort of hoax. The so-called President of the United States seems to be more concerned with making money than he is the health of his people.
     As much as I am angered by the stupidity and callousness of these people, I am not discouraged. As much as it scares me to see how easily these idiots are making things worse, I am not discouraged. As much as it hurts my headparts every time Hair Furrer gives one of his "briefings," I am not hopeless. Because no matter how many of these morons I see, I see just as many if not more people are doing everything they can to make things better.
     Hit You-Tube or any social media site, and you will see hundreds of videos posted by people. These videos range from entertainment like music to how-to videos on ways to make isolation easier. Stars like Sir Patrick Stewart are taking time to read just to try and help. A large number of people are trying to make things better for everyone. This is what encourages me and gives me hope that we can all get through this.
      So to try and do my small part, I am starting a brand new series of rants. I will post one new one every day. My goal is not to be my usual asshole self. Instead, my snipes and barbs will be aimed at amusing and entertaining every one of my readers. (All five of you. You know you are) Not promising that every rant will be a gem, but hopefully, y'all will at least be distracted.
Keep safe, keep happy, and at least keep marginally sane. We will get through this.
End of Rant